


The Aviator

by PantheraTigris15



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Frozen (Disney Movies), Frozen - Anderson-Lopez & Lopez/Lee
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - 1940s, Angst, Attempted Suicide, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Marriage, Mild Language, Slurs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PantheraTigris15/pseuds/PantheraTigris15
Summary: The year is 1941. Elsa is in an abusive marriage with Hans. Forced to join and stay in it by the pressures of society, Elsa stays in her miserable lifestyle for more than a year. Later, Hans is drafted for war and she has to get a job. She goes to work in mechanics at an aviation company. There, she meets an old friend, Honeymaren Nattura.Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuseP.S. This is my first time writing a fic, or any story at all...so I hope it's good and that you like it :)
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 44





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Get a look at Elsa's mundane life, and a distant memory from her past.

The day is dark and the cold breeze blows through Elsa’s white bedroom curtains. The room is dim, barely lit by the harsh light coming from outside. The blonde sits up, slowly, and struggling a bit. She touches the left side of her waist as she get up, and walks slowly to her bathroom.

The bright yellow walls in the room completely contrasts Elsa’s mood at the moment. Much like every other morning, she feels empty, longing for something she doesn’t quite know yet. Maybe it’s the love that is no longer prominent in her marriage. Or the change of pace she’s been looking for in all the 2 years of her married life. Something different from her ordinary and routine lifestyle. Or is it the baby she’s always wanted that Hans never did? The blonde asks herself these questions almost every day and night.

She usually stares at her reflection for 10 minutes before properly beginning her day. The blonde stared blankly into the mirror as a cool breeze blew through her open bathroom window. The white light beaming through the room accentuated all the features on the woman’s face. She glared at her dark circles, and the few imperfections on her skin. She recalled one instance in which her husband said age wasn’t being kind to her…and that she was slowly losing the beauty he fell in love with. He laughed afterwards and said he was joking, but the words still hurt the blonde. Especially since she was only 24, and had really been confidence and content with her looks before her husband mentioned anything. 

She stood there, lost in thoughts, lost in all the bumps and skin tone variations in her face, until she heard a creek. She flinched, quickly glanced at her white toilet and black bathtub, looking for the source of the sound. She quietly walked out of the bathroom, and slowly peaked through her bedroom door. “Hans is still asleep.” She said with relief in her voice. It was probably just the wind. 

She quickly went back to business and started preparing for the day. Hans would always act grumpy or upset with her if he didn’t wake up to breakfast. It’s something that really frustrated Elsa. She felt like she had so much on her shoulders. The burden and responsibility of always pleasing her husband…and having to pay the consequences every time she slipped, or made a mistake…or even when he just had a bad day.

These were the depressing thoughts that coursed through Elsa’s mind as she set the table for breakfast. An hour or so had passed since she woke up. She knew that any minute soon, Hans would come down stairs for breakfast. She placed pancakes, toast and eggs on the table and poured some orange juice in the two cups that sat there. She stopped and glanced at her upside down reflection in one if the spoons in the table. The sun had risen now, and a warm orange light spread across the dining room. The peach walls looked much lighter, and the polished surface of the dining table shown a bronze tone. The spoon shone a golden glow, and Elsa could see bright dust particle moving all around her. Each of them twinkling individually.

She stared at herself, holding a tea towel in one hand, wiping some breadcrumbs of the table. Her blonde hair was in a side waves style, neatly parted and spreading lusciously across her shoulders and upper back. She wore a light blue, short sleeved, below the knees floral dress. “I love your hair long, cutting it wouldn’t be such a good idea.” Hans once told her this when she wanted cut her hair. When did her life become like this? So mundane and controlled. Her entire world revolved around what her husband wanted, what he liked, what he needed. It was all becoming so exhausting. 

Her thoughts were cut off by the footsteps of Hans coming down the stairs. She quickly took the towel back to the kitchen table and went to greet him with a kiss on the cheek. 

“Good Morning, Sweetie.” The blonde said with a bright smile.

Hans walked towards the table, looking happily at his readily made meal. He placed a brown leather briefcase on the floor beside him and spoke. “Morning, Babe.” He pulled his trousers up slightly, sat down and slapped his knees. Hans wore a beige dress shirt, brown suit pants and a brown bow tie. His ginger hair was done in a simple cut. Short on his side-burns, the sides of his head and the back, but long and slicked to the left at the front. He was a writer for the Daily Times Newspaper and was headed out early for printing.

The ginger man picked up his cutlery and started eating.

“How’s your morning going?” Elsa sat gently across from him, and started eating her food as well. Her posture was straight and upright, unlike Hans whose back was bent over. 

“It’s going fine. Hmm…These pancakes her great.” He said with his mouth full of blueberry pancakes. 

“Thanks.” The blonde was playing with a stray blueberry on her plate as she prepared to ask a question. “Oh, by the way…I was thinking of making blueberry pie for dessert tonight, is that alright?” Hans always encouraged communication and asking questions in their relationship. Or atleast, in relation to meals and the chores Elsa did. He preferred it when Elsa’s consulted him before making any meals for them.

“Yeah…” He said slowly while rubbing the back of his neck, “I won’t be home early tonight, but sure, I can eat it when I get home. Don’t wait up too long.”

“That’s fine. Where are you going?” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. For someone who encouraged communication, Hans hated questions about his whereabouts. In the last year of their marriage, he’d have suspicious escapades, and Elsa never knew where he went. He’d always get upset when she asked. A few times she mentioned his secretive trips and outings, he hurt her. She knew not to ask, but her impulses got the best of her this time.

“Babe…What did I say about the questions?” The ginger man looked down at the table and clenched his fists on the table. His veins popped out and his knuckles whitened. He spoke through his teeth, in an annoyed and frustrated tone, like he usually did when he was getting upset. At the moment, he spoke much more quietly, visibly trying to keep his cool. Elsa knew what he was like when he lost his temper so she quickly apologized. 

“Sorry. I was just…curious.” At this point, Hans’ plate is empty and Elsa’s food has barely been touched. She’d rarely eat at tense or threatening situations, which was almost every dinner and conversation with Hans. 

“Well, I don’t like being interrogated. I thought you’d know that by now.” His voice sounded condescending. 

“I- I do. Sorry, Sweetie.”

He let out a heavy sigh, and met his green eyes with Elsa’s blue ones. “It’s fine.” Then, he stood up, adjusted his tie, and picked up his briefcase. “Alright. Goodbye, Babe. Have a good day.” He quickly gave Elsa a side hug and walked out of the house. 

“Bye….same to you.” Says the blonde, as the door slams and the ginger man is gone. She let out a soft sight, and got up to do the dishes.

Unlike her younger sister, Anna, Elsa didn’t have a job. She was a housewife. And although she doesn’t judge when other women preferred it, honestly the choice is up to them if they really want it...she always wanted to do something under engineering or mechanics. But when she married Hans after college, he convinced her to stay home and her degree went down the drain. Her skills were wasting away with every year that passed. 

Although not many women were in those jobs, she still had potential and promise. Many of her mentors and professors said so as well. But alas, her goals didn’t coincide with Hans’…and she had to sacrifice all of that for the “Perfect life.” In a big house, with a handsome husband who took care of her and bought her gifts and luxuries….that was life many women she knew wanted…or were raised to want, but she didn’t. Like her sister, who was a nurse, she was raised to be ambitious. To want to do a job that would help people or the economy and country. 

But here she was, washing the dishes of a disconnected, mostly unaffectionate, and sometimes violent husband. This is the dream, isn’t it?

‘How did I get here? Where did it go so wrong?...I used to be so...happy.’ Thinks the blonde as she looks back to a distant memory from her past.

____

The sky was bright pink, orange, dark blue and grey. The sun had just set, and the darkness of the night was slowly starting to wash over. The pink and orange clouds looked like fluffy large storm clouds, the only difference from them was their bright colour. It was rainy season, and although the sky wasn’t completely dark and grey, lightning still struck from afar. And with every bolt of lightning, the sky glowed pink and peach. 

It was windy, and leaves blew through the air. Honeymaren and Elsa sat in a comfortable silence on a tree branch. They were in the large oak tree behind Elsa’s home. Her parents and Anna went to the dentist after picking Anna from school, so Elsa decided to invite Honeymaren over after school. The two had walked all the way from school, and were now enjoying the beautiful view.

Elsa had double rolls on the sides of her head, a big long pony tail with curls, all tied in a baby blue bow. She was in a white blouse, and a dark blue skirt. Honeymaren was in a loose style with a side part. Her thick wavy hair framed her shoulders and covered her back. She wore a black blouse and grey slacks. Their hair and clothes rippled and moved through the wind.

Elsa broke the silence with a conversation she knew Honeymaren was purposely avoiding. “So…I said yes to Hans’ offer. We’re going out in two days.” The blonde looked at Honeymaren but she wouldn’t meet her eyes. The brunette just stared blankly at the sky.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s all you’re going to say?” The blonde chuckled and playfully nudged the brunette’s shoulder. Although she didn’t want to admit it, she genuinely cared about what her best friend thought about Hans.

“What else am I supposed to say? “Golly gee, he’s such a great guy.”” She said in a mocking voice, “I don’t really trust or like him. I heard he cheated on his last girlfriend so…”

“Well…those could just be rumours, I guess. I don’t know. I mean, his family is close friends with my Grandpa, and he really seems to want us to get together.” Elsa looked down at her feet as they swayed in the air. 

“Elsa…when are you going to stop doing things for ONLY your family and for yourself instead? All your choices can’t revolve around them.” Honeymaren stared into her friend’s eyes, Elsa could see genuine sadness and concern in them.

“Why does it even matter, anyway?” The blonde was always hell bent on pleasing her family. Even though her parents weren’t too demanding, her grandfather was. He played a big part in raising her…and through him, her obsession with fitting the standard, being the cookie cutter standard of perfection in a woman, began. He raised her with the idea that getting married was one of her biggest priorities. And even though her parents tried their best to get rid of the remnants of his teachings…a lot of his words still stayed with her. Poisoned her brain.

“What does it- Elsa, this is your life, your future! We’re finishing high school in a few months. The decisions you make now could alter your life forever. I just don’t want you to live a miserable life.”

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“No, you don’t.” Without any hesitation in her voice, no uncertainty or stutter…those 3 words came out of Honeymaren’s mouth. She had a determined look on her face, one Elsa had never seen before. The blonde was starting to get frustrated, especially because of the last comment.

“And you do?” Honeymaren could hear the annoyance in the taller girl’s voice.

“I- I didn’t mean that-

“No, Honeymaren. What makes you think you know what’s best for me?” Elsa looked at her friend, her eyes widening visibly getting angrier by the second.

“Elsa…I’ve known you since we were 3, I’m just trying-“

“To what? Help? This isn’t helping…it’s just making me frustrated and scared and insecure…I just want you to be supportive of me. Why can’t you just do that?!” Elsa immediately backs away and covers her mouth. She realises she rose her voice, and can see the terror in the brunette’s eyes.

‘Women were always meant to be composed, never must they show too much emotion.’ That’s what her grandfather, Runeard, always told her. She used to conceal so many of her emotions that sometimes she would just snap. Even at people that she loved, like right now.

Elsa just sat there in shock. She was about to apologize until Honeymaren started leaning closer. She got close to the blonde’s face, leaned close to her ear and whispered, “Elsa…” The hair on Elsa’s neck rose and a chill went up her spine. “Maren, I-” She could feel Honeymaren’s warm breath on her neck, 

The brunette speaks in a low, but soft tone ,“I love you.” 

Honeymaren moves back, and stares into the blonde’s eyes. Looking for an answer or reaction. Their faces are only a few centimetres away from each other. The brunette starts leaning in. Elsa doesn’t know what gets into her but she leans in and kisses the brunette. The two are completely lost in each other and in sync. Honeymaren’s hands course through Elsa’s long, thick silver blonde hair, untying her hairstyle. Elsa’s hands go over and down Honeymaren’s spine. They rest on her lower back, curtained by the brunette’s long wavy hair. The blonde leaned, and Honeymaren’s back lay gently on the tree trunk.

For once, she did something for herself. Not once did she think about her grandfather, what people would think or not being…perfect. Her mind, for almost a minute, didn’t once drift towards her perfect future, or her future husband. 

But like all good things, it didn’t last forever. She was back to reality, the blissful feeling left as she began to think about what her family would think. She moved back from her friend’s warm embrace.

Breathing heavily, the two looked at each other in silence. The only sounds around them were their breaths, the wind and the thunder and lightning above them. 

“Honey…I’m really sorry, I can’t-” The blonde was stuttering and shaking. She tried her best to look at the woman in front of her, but she couldn’t. Her eyes just bounced around as she tried to gain some sense of control.

“But, do you love me too? Like…in-love?” From the corner of her eye, Elsa could see Honeymaren’s glassy eyes, full of pain as she stared at her open palms. 

Elsa stopped for a second to properly look at her friend. She didn’t really know what to say, she didn’t want to hurt one of the few people she knew truly loved her. Not for her looks, status or the persona she put up, but for herself and who she was inside. She tilted her friends chin up to face her, both of their eyes still glassy and shaking. The blonde placed one hand on Honeymaren’s shoulder and said, “Of course I do.” Then, her breath quickened as she prepared to say the rest. “But, my family, my parents, sister, grandfather….I can’t, we can’t- This could never happen. I-”

The taller woman was choking on her words, failing to get her point across. Her rumbling was cut off as she saw a single tear fall from her friend’s eye, and across her light brown skin. Lighting struck again, and for a moment, white and pink light was all around them. In that single moment, Honeymaren’s face looked so hurt. The light emphasized the sadness and pain the brunette’s eyes, her tear drop shone a bright white from the reflection.

Elsa could only sit there and watch the horror of the pain she had caused. It that single moment, time felt slower, and it was harder to bear with every second.

“Honey, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s not your fault, Elsa.” Honeymaren removed Elsa’s hand from her shoulder and wiped off her tear. “It was selfish of me to ask that much of you.”

Elsa’s face darkened with anger at herself. If only she could be herself…anything, without all this fear. Honeymaren could see the pain in her eyes, the shame. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine. See.” The brunette let out a forced chuckle. But her pain was still visible. Elsa wished she could speak, wished she could just let it all go and be with the one she loved. Wished she wouldn’t have to settle for someone else just because of a dream predetermined for her by an oppressive system. But she couldn’t.

She just sat there.

Frozen

“Anyway, I have to- I’ve gotta go now. Ryder’s probably back from Vet Club, I should leave.” Honeymaren started climbing down the tree, looking down. “By the way, if you really want to, you could give Hans a go... I’m still not sure about him. But, it’s your life anyway, right?” Elsa still couldn’t speak, all she did was look at her friend. Listening to her words as she fought back tears.

Thump. Honeymaren’s feet met the ground, and she slowly started walking away, with her hands in her pockets. The last thing Elsa heard from her was the faintest “Goodbye,   
Elsa.”

____

Elsa remembered that day vividly. After that instance, her and Honeymaren remained close friends. They stayed best friends after school and throughout college. The brunette still didn’t trust Hans, but left that distrust aside for her friend’s sake. 

Hans and Elsa’s relationship was fine, and lasted for years. It wasn’t very passionate or exciting to the blonde, but it was good. Her grandfather and parents seemed to approve, and Hans was sweet and kind. Well…at least at the beginning. 

Their relationship continued on, even after Elsa’s grandfather died. After college, Hans asked her not to work, and said he would provide for her. Was it to feed his ego, make him feel more masculine? Elsa’s never knew, but she just agreed to it. The two got married…but unfortunately, that day was the last one she ever saw Honeymaren on. After the blonde’s wedding reception, the brunette disappeared, and Elsa never saw her again. 

She felt sad, and empty. But her marriage was going to fulfil her right? No, it was only draining. It was starting to consume and exhaust her, both physically and emotionally. At first, Hans was kind and helpful but after a few months….he started changing.

He was more detached, would go off on mysterious trips…and would scold Elsa when he was upset. He’d come home late sometimes, and hurt Elsa whenever she questioned him. The most time he’d spend with her was when he used her to relieve himself and his pleasures, while she just laid there, still. Which Elsa never really liked, but put up with anyway. She always wanted a child, maybe something good could be brought from the uncomfortable contact he made with her. But he said he wasn’t ready, or that it would strain their relationship. ‘It was already strained.’ the blonde would always.

His hand print was forever marked on her. Marked by bruises, and the way she’d flinch whenever he came close. Her sister begged her to leave the relationship, but she refused. She said she knew what she was doing. Anna persisted until once day Elsa snapped at her…like she did to Honeymaren all those years ago. Once again, she hurt someone she loved. The younger sister eventually gave up, and only brought the topic up once in a while, to the blonde’s dismay. 

Even after Runeard died, his ideologies stuck with her. She felt trapped, stranded on an island. Helpless and Lost.

This was the dream after all. The goal. What she was prepared for, for most of her life. 

____

Bang!

Elsa woke up, startled. She had fallen asleep while watching something on the television. The room was dark, only dimly lit by the TV light. She looked at her clock, the time was 2 am in the morning. 

Elsa saw a dark figure walking into the sitting room. The figure turned on the lights, it was Hans. He looked tired and drunk. The room was now an orange tone. The tall man looked exhausted. Elsa could see a few red marks on his neck. His clothes were crumpled and his hair tousled. 

“Elsa? What are you doing up?” The ginger man was walking on a limp, trying to keep balance.

“I fell asleep on the couch while watching something.” The blonde woman stood up and walked towards the man. They leaned into each other for a short kiss. Elsa held back a gag. His breath smelled like booze and he was sweating a lot. 

Elsa looked into his green eyes but Han’s wouldn’t meet hers. He looked away and faced the wall. When he did that, his neck was more visible. Elsa began stroking his side burns…and she could now see the red marks on the man’s neck. She slowly touched his collar and pulled it down so she could see them properly. 

A swift hand grabbed her wrist immediately. Hans gripped her with so much pressure that her hand started turning pink. Elsa tried to pull away, but she couldn’t.

“What are you doing?” He asked in a low voice. Elsa could barely see his face, but she knew his expression had darkened. 

“I was just- looking at the marks on your neck. What happened?” Elsa was well aware of what those marks were and what caused them. She had been suspicious of his infidelity since college, but things had gotten worse in the recent years.

“What did I say about the questions, Elsa?” He said her name with such distaste. He was now looking at her, with anger in his eyes. His hand was still gripping her wrist and was getting tighter with every second. Elsa could feel the fear spreading across her face.

She wished she could fight back. Kick him, push him even. But she had been so cautioned to conceal emotions and hold back for so long….that she wouldn’t budge. Composure, that was a key trait she was praised for. She knew she was strong, she knew she could do something but she just stood there silently. 

Know your place, they’d always say…especially to women of her generation.

“I was just curious. I mean- in case you got hurt-” She was stuttering, trying so hard not to let out a single tear. Her glassy eyes looked back and forth. Hans brought himself closer to her, his warm breath spread over her face. It made her shiver…she felt nauseous. 

He then gave her one more disgusted look, and then threw her to the floor. He walked away to their room.

Elsa just sat there, her pain illuminated by the orange light of the room. Her skin looked a more tanned tone, and her light hair looked much warmer…but her emotions were only full of darkness and sadness. She lay on the floor, hugging her knees. She quietly sobbed and coughed.

Hans could be terrible, most of the time. But he was especially worse when he was drunk. He’d always use intoxication as an excuse for his violent behaviour, but Elsa knew inebriation only showed his true colours.

She began to stare at her wrist, which was now red and bruised. The dark colour looked very noticeable on her pale skin. She knew she’d have to wear a long sleeved shirt and gloves when going to the grocery shop the next day. Once again, another mark of his behaviour. 

Elsa always wondered to herself, why do I stay? Why don’t I just leave from this…imprisonment? From this emptiness and sorrow. But she just stayed. Sometimes hoping, maybe things would get better. Maybe he would change. Maybe I’m just not being good enough. Just…below standard.

The blonde sat there for almost an hour, just looking at her wrist. Lost in thought, with tears streaming down her face. Flinching at every thought of her husband…  
Doing nothing but wishing. Wishing for something besides this empty feeling.


	2. One Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hans gets drafted for war and the couple say their goodbyes. Something new treatens Elsa but before she can deal with that, she meets an old friend.

It’s a cool Saturday afternoon. The sky is a bright royal blue and a calm breeze blows through the trees, rustling their leaves. The wind moves through the sky, carrying the clouds with it, making the day look and feel warm and entrancing.

Elsa is sitting under a tall oak tree in the Arendelle Park. Her long hair blows around her, and her white sun dress ripples in the wind. It has deep red flowers on it that beautifully contrast her light skin and hair colour. She can see Hans walking around the lake from a distance, with his hands in his black trousers pockets. There are a few other folks in the park. A few are walking together, some are skipping stones and others are feeding ducks. Other than those people, the park was almost empty and had a peaceful silence to it.

The blonde sits on a picnic blanket under the shade. Next to her is a bottle, lunchbox and on her lap is a small diary. She gently wipes wisps of hair out of her face as she flips through it slowly. The book is brown, with a leather cover. It looks quite old. She’s had it since her marital problems began.

At first, she thought the idea to write her thoughts and emotions was quite…cheesy, but after Anna begged her to get one, she finally did. The blonde’s sister was very worried about her, and even though Elsa tried her best to dismiss her worries, the younger woman was persistent. And though Elsa doesn’t want to admit it to herself, the book has been helping. 

She flips through the beige pages slowly and lands on a few depressing words, “I’m thinking of ending the pain, and the misery…but I can’t leave those I love behind. I can’t leave Anna behind…” She stops at that page, her facial expression changes. She looks much sadder now, even abashed by herself. She wrote those words a year ago when Hans started getting worse and it was becoming unbearable. It became harder to conceal her pain. Bruises on her back and shoulders, marks of her terrible life…they were getting too hard to bear, too hard to live with. But much to her surprise, she pushed through that dark time, with the help of Anna and the diary.

She continued flipping the pages, trying to leave those ones behind, to put that time in her life behind her and try and focus on the bright side of things. Yes, the marital problems persisted, they got worse even, but she just took it all in…and kept it locked up. Like scarred hands hidden behind posh and beautiful gloves. She knew it was unhealthy to keep all of that turmoil in, and she knew what happened when she snapped and the dam broke…but, her grandfather’s words stuck with her.

‘You mustn’t show too much, Elsa.’

‘Elsa, dear, conceal, don’t feel.’

‘You are a woman, put on a show. Composure.’

‘Perfection,

Poise,

Self-control,

Elegance,

Grace.’ 

‘Priorities, girl. This will be your future…and when you get it, do let go of what I’ve taught you. This is how a woman must be. Know your place.’

Those words and thoughts were etched on her skin like an open wound, one that would never close or heal. 

Flip. Flip. The sounds of the papers moving continued on. As the wind came once more, a few leaves fell onto the blanket under the woman. She looked around for a while, taking in all the tranquillity of the park. Couples sat together on white benches, they seemed to be laughing. Elsa glanced at her partner, who was now even further than before. That one image, to Elsa, represented how with every day, week, month…the two would drift further apart from each other. It made Elsa long for a love she once had long before. 

She grabbed a pen that was tucked under her dress, and began writing. Writing about a night she used to try so hard to forget, but now longs to experience once again. The pen nib makes contact with the diary, and she begins writing in a neat cursive handwriting. 

“I remember that night. I might just remember it till the day I die. The bare hands that caressed me, the light brown skin that shone a light blue tone in the dark. The hot air, touches like I’ve never known before. Oh, Maren, if only the world was different. If only I was different. Maybe in another life…we’ll be with each other again. I w-”

The blonde was immediately interrupted by a “Boo!” from behind her. She yelped, flinched a little and swiftly clutched her book against her chest. The book moved up and down in her hands, she was breathing quite heavily. It was Hans, he had left the lake and decided to scare the blonde. She looked at him and gave an uneasy chuckle as he stood over her, laughing. The ginger man held his waist giggling like a child, slapping his knees. He dusted his hands and landed next to Elsa, cross-legged, and with a thump. “Gotcha, babe.” His smile always looked odd to her. Like it had some malice behind it, or it just looked crazy…it always made her uneasy, but sometimes, like today, it made her smile  
shyly. She was still quite nervous. But not from the jump scare. Imagine what Hans would have done if he saw what was in the book. What would have happened to her? It was really unsettling.

Elsa just gave him an awkward smile, and proceeded to close her book and stuff the pen right into it. She felt a warm breath go over the nape of her neck. Hans was much closer now, trying to get a peek at what she was holding.

“What’s that in your hands, Babe?” He asked it quite curiously, in a low tone, with a hint of suspicion. His breath smelled like cigarettes and booze today. He had gone for an “outing” the day before, and arrived late. Luckily, Elsa was fast asleep by then...but when she woke up to his morning breath, she knew he had been up to something the night before. Not even toothpaste was able to subsidize the scent, but she just had to deal with it. 

“Oh, it’s nothing…just a romance novel. You wouldn’t like it anyway.” The ginger quirked his eyebrow at her, and just shrugged in defeat. He said that he didn’t really like romance like Elsa did, which didn’t surprise the blonde at all. 

She wasn’t really a fan of romance, but she didn’t expect him to know that. Whenever she’d talked about mechanics, engineering or fantasy when they were in college, he wouldn’t pay much attention…and would cut her off with things such as, “You have such beautiful eyes” or anything about her appearance and not much else.

After a few minutes of silently staring at the lighting passing through the tree, the two stood up and decided to leave. The light and shadows that appeared on their faces as they sat before reminded Elsa of a picnic she went on with Honeymaren.

The man and woman walked, hand in hand towards their vehicle. A black and grey Cadillac Series 62. Their hands swung back and forth as they moved together. Hans spent most of his time staring at his surroundings, and people that walked past them. Elsa on the other hand, stared at the ground.

Crunch. With almost every step, the two smashed a dry yellow or green leaf on the ground. Those leaves were much like the ones that fell around Elsa and Honeymaren on the picnic, on that one autumn, they took in college.

The most vivid image the blonde can conjure up of that day was a vision of the two girls. They were sat on some green grass, covered in yellow, orange and magenta leaves. The leaves fell and floated with the warm cold breeze that surrounded the two. The sky was white and grey but the sun still shone through.

The whitish yellow light passed through the leaves that towered over them. They sat close together, leaning on a large magenta tree. When the blonde looked up, she would see a yellow and red bokeh effect caused by the thousands of leaves in the tree. 

She remember looking at a smiling Honeymaren, whose skin looked even more beautiful under the red lighting. Her eyes looked a more bloody-honey colour, and her long hair blew all around. They sat there, hand in hand, in a comfortable silence for an hour that day. Elsa’s still remembers it as one of her fondest memories.

As her hand was in contact with Hans’, she tried to imagine they were the soft and gentle hands of the brunette that haunted her dreams and thoughts. The two were now approaching the car, and Hans quickly let go of her hand…like it was an old rag doll. Just like that, discarded. He’d often do that in public. Hold hands, create an in-love façade, and then immediately drop it as soon as they were closer to home. You’ve got to keep appearances, right? People love to talk. Especially about people like Hans and Elsa, who both came from quite wealth and known people. Hans’ father, the owner of the Daily Times, and Elsa’s grandfather, who was once an esteemed business man. 

The two stepped into the vehicle, and drove off. Throughout the drive, the car was in silence. The only sounds to be heard were the radio and wind blowing in from the open windows. Elsa sat glumly in her chair, with her head and one hand leaning on the window seal, and the other still holding on to that book. Lights and shadows hit her face as they drove through their boring suburban neighbourhood. A single leaf fell from a nearby tree, and landed on Elsa’s hand. It had small intricate details and a bright yellow colour… and as soon as it came, it went away. If only she could be as free to fly like that leaf.

____

“Elsa! There’s someone at the door!” The blonde can here the man shouting from the bedroom. She’s in the kitchen, wiping the dishes and stacking them in the cupboards. “Okay, I’ll get it.” She shouts back. 

Elsa quickly sets a plate on the table, wipes her hands on her dress and rushes to the door. In a few seconds, she’s opening the door to a short, stubby, teen boy with black and long pointy hair in a blue pin striped jumpsuit. It’s their mail man, Olaf. The light from the door hits her eyes and a warm breeze blows past her and through the door. It’s much brighter now than it was when Elsa and Hans went to the park.

“Oh, Hi, Olaf. How are you?” Elsa gave the young man a smile. He was always so kind and cheerful. He’d always try to make her laugh. Especially when she answered the door looking miserable, and he suspected something was up. 

“I’m fine and how are you, Mrs. Isles?” The boy gave Elsa a bow and a goofy smile.

“I’m great. What do you have for us today?” 

“Today…I have a…here we go, a war draft for Mr. Isles.” The boy handed the woman the envelope. Elsa looked at it curiously, ‘A war draft?’ She thought. She knew about the war brewing in the east, everyone did…but she never thought it would get this serious.

“Well, I have to go now. I have hundreds of these to deliver.” The boy started hopping away. “Have a good day!” He shouted from a distance while running towards the next house. Elsa just waved with a smile and walked back into the house. 

She examined the envelope carefully. It was brown and a bit crumpled. She caressed the cover with her delicate fingers. Could this really be what she thought it was? She didn’t want to admit it, but this small, crumpled envelope was a glimmer of hope for her. If she couldn’t save herself, set herself free…maybe this envelope could. 

“Hans! It’s for you!” Elsa shouted to Hans. She paced around the living room, hugging her waist, waiting impatiently for her husband to come. In about 10 minutes, Hans was standing in front of her in a white wife-beater and shorts. 

The blonde doesn’t know why he took so long just to get down, but she just dismisses it as him being lazy. The ginger man walks slowly towards the blonde. She hands him the envelope, with one hand still around her waist. Hans looks at the envelope for a few seconds before opening it. He tears the top apart, and pulls out a yellow slip of paper with writing from the top to bottom. 

He clears his throat and begins reading, “Dear Mr. Isles, we wish to inform you that you have been summoned by the government of Arendelle to participate in the war in the East.” Hans pauses and gives Elsa a worried look. The two never really expected any war drafts to come it. Many thought the situation in the east was only minor, but it must have gotten worse for them to draft male citizens for it. “You and thousands of other men between the ages of 18-45 will travel to the east in one week. Before that, you must be examined. You are hereby directed to report to Dr. M. Weselton at House number 5, Blue Gate Street in Blight Centre, for physical examination at 9 am, January 31st. Failure to do so is an act punishable by imprisonment and a fine.”

Hans folded the paper and threw it onto a nearby brown couch. Then he sat on it, gave an exhausted sigh, arched his back and held his face in his palms. He gave off a defeated atmosphere. Of course many men would as well, he’d been forced to fight a war he didn’t even care about. Elsa walked towards him slowly, held his head against her stomach and started stroking him hair.

In a few seconds she felt a hand over hers, she flinched, expecting the worst, but Hans just patted her hand. They two stayed like that for almost half an hour, both of them in deep contemplation. The room was silent. The only sound was the ticking clock. With every second, it made a tick sound. The room was cool, devoid of any noise.

Hans rubbed Elsa’s hand as she stroked his hair. These moments were few and far between. These were the moments that made Elsa even consider settling for him, even though their love was never passionate…or even stable. But alas, this was the real world. Who knew that this man who lay against her like a frightened child could turn into a monster, a predator at any go? And unfortunately, she was the prey in that situation.

But then it dawned on her, maybe that wouldn’t be the case in a week. Hans was leaving. And even though she felt guilty about longing for her husband’s departure…the feeling of relief and excitement was undeniable. Maybe, just maybe, she could be free. Even though it was going to be a short time, it was still going to happen. 

Hans had fallen asleep in her arms. She laid him down onto the couch and proceeded to the bedroom. She really felt like writing something in her diary. The blonde opened her room slowly, the windows were wide open. The white curtains blew around calmly. She walked towards the drawer at her side of the bed. It was light brown and had a shiny polished surface. Her gentle pale hands slowly opened the first drawer. In it were a few dresses and shirts.

When the blonde looked at the clothes her eyes immediately widened in shock. They looked like they had been moved around, with a few creases all around them. Her heart skipped a beat and she held one hand to her mouth, trying to contain her panic. Elsa started rushing through them, trying to get to the bottom…and there was her diary. It looked almost the same as she left it, but something didn’t feel right. She shut the drawer.

‘Hans…He took so long to get down. Could it be that he….No.’ the blonde’s mind began to race, coming up with tens of theories at a go. Had Hans gone through her diary, had he seen it? She was so worried that when she glanced at her reflection in the window beside her…she could tell her skin was paler. She paced around the room, rubbing her hands. Uttering the words conceal don’t feel…trying to stay composed, trying to lessen the fear in her heart. 

What would Hans do to her? She had written so much in that book. About her time with Maren, what she felt for her and how she just settled for Hans. He would be so angry. ‘Don’t worry, if he saw it…he’d probably have done something. Yeah, he would have done something by now.’ She shuddered at the thought of Hans’ usual reactions. Breaths went slowly into and out of her lungs, she was starting to calm down…but she was still very worried. 

She tiptoed quickly to the kitchen, opened Han’s wine cabinet and took out whiskey and a shot glass. The glass had intricate patterns on the outsides that looked like flowers and leaves. Elsa quickly poured some whiskey into the glass and took a swig of John Jameson, 7 year old Dublin whiskey. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, but a definitely calmed her nerves. The blonde never really took alcohol much…but at parties, dinners or worrying situations like this…she’d make an exception. 

After a few minutes, she was on her bed lying down. Trying to make herself forget about it, worry less and calm down while falling asleep. The last thing she saw was the vision of the white curtains as they blew in the wind.

____

“I’ll miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Elsa watched as Anna and Kristoff said their goodbyes. They looked so happy, so in-love. Even though they’d only been married for a few months now. The look, the sparkle, she saw in their eyes as they looked at each other…is something she’d never seen in her relationship with Hans.

The ginger woman and the blonde man embraced each other for what seemed like 5 minutes. Tears streaming down their cheeks. Both of them didn’t want to let go. Both Hans and Kristoff wore the same green camouflage uniform. It came with a matching hat, black boots and Arendelle’s Emblem on the chest of the suit.

The train station was loud. Hundreds of women and children came to say goodbye to their fathers, brothers, friends and husbands. The dark green train was filled to the brim with men. It was large, with huge back tires with golden rims. Smoke plumed from the tops as the citizens hugged and kissed each other goodbye.

Elsa turned to Hans. Her black and dark blue plaid dress rippled in the wind as the two gave each other a quick hug. The hug felt warm and caring for the short time it lasted. Maybe he’d genuinely miss her, maybe Elsa would as well. When they broke apart, they kissed and Hans whispered in her ear, “I’ll miss you, babe.” “Me too, stay safe.” Elsa tucked a strand of Han’s ginger hair back into his hat. He looked at her with a smile, tipped his hat and went into the train.

The blonde looked to her left and saw Kristoff kissing the forehead of a crying Anna. After caressing her cheek and whispering sweet words into her ear, he too went into the train. More men were filling the trains, and now only their families stood on the paved platforms, talking to them through the windows.

Elsa walked to her sister’s side, and gave a warm side hug, “It’s going to be alright, Anna.” Anna turned towards her sister, her eyes still glassy, and gave Elsa a smile. She mouthed the words, thank you. Their moment was interrupted by two loud voices.

“5 more minutes, men, say your final goodbyes!” Shouted a large man with brown curly hair. After that came another voice, “Anna!” The two sisters looked toward a window that was only a few steps away from them. It was Kristoff, Hans and another man who looked familiar to the two were holding Kristoff’s legs as half of his body dangled from the opening. 

Anna glanced at Elsa, giggling like a teenager. She ran towards her husband and they gave each other one last kiss as a few other men cheered. Elsa could hear the two whisper I love you and Anna saying promise me you’ll come back. Kristoff gave her an assuring nod. Elsa walked towards the train, Hans was laughing with another man. Then, he looked at her. His expression changed to one of someone who’s forgotten something. The ginger man used his free hand to pull out a piece of paper from his pocket…he gestured it to Elsa who walked closer to the train and grabbed it. He gave her one last smile before proceeding to help Kristoff back into the train.

From the corner of her eye, Elsa could see Anna returning to her side, still saying goodbyes to Kristoff. Elsa was deeply concentrated on the paper Hans gave her. She slowly opened it, as it made small sounds, though over powered by the noise of the train and people. The writing on the letter said:

I have a big surprise for you. I’ll show you when I get back. There’s something really important we need to talk about.

Elsa felt her hands go numb, the paper dropped from them and blew away with the wind. What could this mean? She was very worried. Could it be that Hans really saw the diary? She didn’t want to look worried, or make her sister concerned…she was already going through so much. She took 3 large breaths and cleared her throat. ‘Look on the bright side, Elsa. Maybe he wants to change. Or even finally have kids.’ The prospect of finally having a child seemed much more hopeful…but the image of having it with Han was quite unsettling for the blonde. 

Her thoughts were cut off by the large man once again, “2 more minutes boys!” She was out of the zone, and was now more aware of her surroundings.

“Behave yourself while I’m gone, shorty!”

“Whatever, stupid” The voice paused, “I’m really gonna miss you, Ry. Promise me you’ll come back safe.”

“I’m going to miss you too. And, remember we’re twins. Nothing’s ever going to truly separate us. You here? I’ll be back soon, I promise.” That voice sounded so familiar to the blonde. Like she’d known the owner of it. The man speaking sounded like he was on the verge of crying.

“I love you!”

“Love you too…Honeymaren.” Elsa froze. She felt like the world had disappeared around her. Thought to be lost at sea, like Atlantis. Everything was blurry and sounded like it was under water. The only clear images she saw, the only clear voices she heard, were the voices of the man and woman.

She slowly turned to the train and saw the other man who helped Hans hold onto Kristoff. It was Ryder, her old friend. He wore the same attire as her husband and brother in law. Tears were streaming down his face. She felt like the wind blew stronger than before. Like she was being sucked into a vortex

Then she slowly turned to her left. Her heart pounded so loudly she could hear it from inside herself. The wind blew her hair around, her eyes continued to move, slowly, but surely. She could see a beautiful woman, with beautiful burly wood brown skin, that looked almost bronze in the sunlight. Memories started rushing back to her. And there she was. There, for the first time in 2 years she saw her old best friend. Her first love.

Honeymaren Nattura.

____

“So are you guys going to tell your parents, your grandfather?” 

Honeymaren and Elsa lay face to face in one bed. It had grey and black beddings. The two lay in a dark room. It was carpeted, with wooden logs for walls, and a large window, covered in raindrops. It was pouring outside. The windows shock, even though they were closed. The wind blew vigorously and rustled the trees around the cabin. Thunder came in loud bangs and lightning graced the sky with its red and white lights.

Elsa and Honeymaren had come here for a break after Hans and Elsa broke up. This was their last day in the cabin. It belonged to Elsa’s parents. Her and her family would come here when she was younger. 

She lay in bed facing the brunette, staring into her deep brown eyes. They had avoided this topic for the entire trip, but tonight was their last night away from everyone and everything else.

“No, I don’t think I can do that. Just in case.” 

“Just in case what? You get back together?” The brunette gave Elsa a confused looked. She was honestly concerned for her friend, especially because of what Hans did. But Elsa knew there was more… she could see a flash of pain in her eyes as she spoke, “Elsa, he cheated on you.”

“I know.” The blonde looked down, she couldn’t meet her friend’s eyes. She knew no matter what, she couldn’t and wouldn’t do much. No matter what she did, her grandfather’s voice was in the back of her mind, judging her. No matter what, those voices of fear would come crawling in, and she’d feel engulfed and surrounded by dark, redness, anxiety and terror.

“And he hurt you. Even if you say it was an accident, you still got hurt.” Honeymaren looked worried for her friend. Elsa knew the shorter woman loved her still, even more than a friend. She hated putting her through so much pain and anguish.

“I- I know.” When they had the fight about him cheating, Hans pushed Elsa against the wall and her back got a little bit bruised. Even after a week, the bruising was still visible. After that incident, they broke up and Elsa went to the cabin with Honeymaren. It was the most beautiful experience of her life. Exploring coves, swimming in the lake and taking photos of nature. Staring at the stars and even dancing in the rain like the day before that one. The blonde is sad that it’s almost over now.

“Then why won’t you tell them, and just end it once and for all?”  
Elsa looked to her side, embarrassed and ashamed of herself. “Honey, I’m not strong like you…or even close to as brave as you. I can’t do that…all these expectations from so many people…I just can’t do all of this. It’s just-” Elsa was interrupted by the sound of Maren shushing her with her soft, but low voice. 

“I know Elsa, I understand. It’s okay. At least for now, everything’s okay.” The brunette hugged the blonde and caressed the back of her neck. At first Elsa was in shock. Ever since the tree incident from when they were in school…Honeymaren had engaged in less physical contact with the blonde. The furthest she had gone were few and far between hand holdings. 

This felt nice, and warm. Elsa felt safe and secure in the brunette’s arms. She began to stroke Honeymaren’s long wavy hair. They stayed like that for what seemed like only a second and an eternity at the same time. Like a good dream that feels so nice and fulfilling when it’s happening, and feels like it was so short when you wake up.

Elsa turned around, and now the brunette was tracing the bruise marks on her back with her gentle fingers. It was the most intimate Elsa had ever been with anyone. It was like Honeymaren truly accepted her, unlike anyone else…for not only her beautiful features, but her bruises and scars as well…her imperfections. Elsa enjoyed the feeling of Honeymaren’s arms from behind her. She loved being this close to her…like she’d never been with anyone else.

Then she felt smooth lips touching her shoulder blade, were a pink bruise was. Honeymaren got closer to the blonde’s ear and said, “No one as beautiful, smart or kind as you should ever get hurt. All you deserve is love, you here? Don’t settle for less than love.” Her voice sounded so sure. It was low, a bit raspy, but it was still as smooth as cream and as entrancing as the wind. She felt her warm breath on her neck, it sent shivers down her spine.

With Honeymaren, sometimes Elsa could forget her surroundings and just drown in pure happiness and bliss. Honeymaren stroked her back with the tips of her soft fingers. Elsa held onto her hand and played with her fingers. The rain was still pouring vigorously, and the yet the room felt silent. All the two could hear clearly were each other’s breaths, everything else was just drowned out.

Elsa slowly turned around once again, to get a better look into Honeymaren’s eyes. They looked much darker in the dim lighting, only looking brown when lightning struck. She was looking for something in them, the two’s faces were only a few centimetres away from each other. All Elsa could see in Honeymaren’s eyes was love, passion and care. A look she’d never seen in Hans’ eyes. But right now, Hans was not on her mind. In this moment, to them, they were the only people in the world.

Elsa caressed Honeymaren’s cheek. “If only we could be like this forever.”

“We at least have one night.” Responded the brunette, as she caressed the Elsa’s back. She removed a strand of hair from the blonde’s face and stared into her deep blue eyes, which looked as dark as the sea at this point. Lightning struck, thunder banged, but all the girls could see or hear was each other.

“For only one night.” Elsa started stroking Honeymaren’s bottom lip with her thumb.

“One night” Honeymaren started leaning in.

“One…night.” Elsa spoke in a breathy voice as the two got closer. “One…night.” 

____

The train started moving, the plumes of smoke got darker, and the crowd became louder. The entire place was very loud, the train moved away, and yet…the only voice Elsa could clearly hear was one.

“Elsa?” Honeymaren looked in Elsa’s direction, shocked and intrigued at the same time.

The name lingered on her tongue, it felt so nice to say out loud after all these years, “Maren…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed this one, I loved writing the goodbye scene. Especially Kristoff and Anna's goodbye.


	3. Memories P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa looks back at her past after an encounter with Honeymaren.

The blonde and the brunette stand there, frozen. Elsa feels like time has stopped around her. Everything is either blurry or a bright yellow light around her. She hears cheering and shouting, the train was almost completely gone, and even though it wasn’t too far ahead, it sounded miles away. All she could see was the woman in front of her, with long wavy hair cascading around her back and shoulders, with bangs. She wore black slacks and a white, long-sleeved buttoned down shirt.

Even though it had only been 2 year since Elsa saw the brunette, she was mesmerized by her beauty. She’d missed her so much…this made her really sad because she knew after what happened with them she couldn’t just go and hug her old friend. She wanted to move, to speak, to do anything…she was going to, but she stopped immediately she heard a flash. From the corner of her eye she could see a camera flash, a family was taking a picture. That flash brought back terrible memories, and made her swallow the words she about to utter.

The silence between the two was ended by a screaming Anna. The ginger had just noticed Honeymaren and ran up to her, giving the shorter woman a bear hug. That gesture brought Elsa out of her daze. The image reminded her of a time the 2 women helped Anna prepare for her first date with Kristoff, Anna had hugged Honeymaren for about 5 minutes that day. She was the one who introduced the ginger woman to Kristoff. That memory brought a small smile onto Elsa’s face.

Honeymaren was really close to Elsa and her family. Well, except for Runeard. Anna was really close friends with Honeymaren as well, the 3 would spend hours together, even with Ryder and Kristoff. Elsa’s parents loved Honeymaren as well they treated her like family and loved inviting her over for family dinners. Elsa’s mother, Iduna knew Honeymaren’s Aunt, Yelena…that is one of the reasons the two met at such a young age. Honeymaren just had that personality, that atmosphere that made people instantly love her. She have charm, charisma, that sort of kindness, humour, intelligence and flare that instantly grabbed Elsa’s attention as they got older, even though Elsa used to deny the attraction.

“Honeymaren! It’s been so long!” Anna finally let go of Honeymaren still reeling with excitement. Her beige dress was now a bit crumpled, and a few strands of hair came out of her. It had one roll going across her head, with a curly pony tail and a bow at the end.

“Anna, How’ve you been?!” Honeymaren spoke with just as much energy and enthusiasm as the ginger woman. 

“I’ve been great...but really? No call.” Anna mockingly folded her hands, imitating anger and shock.

“Why would I call you?” The brunette chuckled and Anna made an over exaggerated gasp and looked away from her. Then they all started laughing as Elsa stood still, not knowing what to do. “I’m just kidding…it’s just that I was...busy. I needed some time.” She whispered the last sentence, as if trying to prevent Elsa from hearing her, but the blonde heard everything. Anna gave the brunette an understanding nod, and then glanced back Elsa, gesturing her to come over. 

The blonde walked slowly towards the brunette. The ground felt like water in a pool, the different currents in the water pushing her forwards and backwards at the same time. She pushed through, and she was now closer to the brunette. From up close she looked even more beautiful. Her brown eyes looked like pools of honey in the sunlight. Her hair was thick and wavy, and complimented her skin tone. Elsa could notice the brunette staring at her as well. Fascinated by how much her friend had grown in their two years apart.

Elsa didn’t know what to do, she was about to start panicking. Honeymaren was looking off to the side, a thing she’d do whenever she was in awkward or hard to face situations. She let out a breath, and looked at Elsa. Elsa didn’t know what to do. Speak? Give her a hug? In her panic she quickly extended her hand.

Honeymaren looked at the blonde’s pale hand, she quirked her eyebrow in confusion and looked at Elsa. Elsa was afraid she wouldn’t accept it, but she did. For the first time in years, their hands touched. It was just as electrifying as the blonde remembered, as she dreamed about. The two quickly let go and stared at each other. 

“Hello, Elsa.” Honeymaren said, he voice was raspy, as though she was trying to hold back tears, but her face wouldn’t show any pain. 

“Hi, Maren. H-How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been great, thanks. And you?” Elsa was impressed by the brunette’s composure and grace. She knew that she was probably blushing, or visibly uncomfortable. Unlike Honeymaren, who looked at ease. The only thing revealing her slight discomfort, was her voice. It was usually smooth, like cream. Sometimes it would be low, but never hoarse, instead it would sound spellbinding and captivating… attractive even. But now, it was a bit shaky. Anna didn’t seem to notice though…maybe only Elsa did. The blonde used to love hearing Honeymaren speak. Her voice would brighten up her day. She’d often play it back in her mind, all the sweet words she told her in the cabin and over all the years they knew each other. 

“I-I’m good, and you?”

“…Great. I’ve been great.” The silence came once again. ‘Why did I greet her again?’ Elsa thought, embarrassed. She knew she wouldn’t be able to take this anymore. At this moment, she was really grateful for her sister, who thankful interrupted.

“Anyway…we’ve got to go now. Elsa really needs to look for…A Job!”

“I do? Oh, yeah, I do!” 

“Oh, okay. I’ve got to go to work anyway.” Honeymaren shrugged. Although she seemed a bit suspicious, she was still understanding. She likely wanted to get out of that situation herself. 

“Yeah. So…bye. See you later.” Anna grabbed Elsa’s hand and pulled her away. The two ran, hand in hand, through the crowds and back to the parking lot. They had come in one car, which was Kristoff’s, so Anna had to take the blonde back home. In a few minutes, the blue car was in sight. 

The two got in and sat down immediately. They were out of breath and they looked at each other, eyes wide with adrenaline.

“You’re welcome. I thought you were going to faint.” Anna said, still catching her breath. She let out a small laugh that turned into a cough. 

Elsa was now looking forward, staring at the view ahead. “Drive.”

The ginger cleared her throat, and looked at her sister confused, “What? Where to?”

“Just drive.”

“Okay…”

Anna hit the gas and drove at high speed. She didn’t know where to go, and she didn’t think Elsa would want to go home right now, so she parked on the road side. The road was covered by yellow fields from each side, both full of long wheat that blew in the wind. The sky was a beautiful blue, full of large white clouds that blew with the wind. The colour contrasted stunningly with the fields.

The car was stationary, and the two were silent. The only thing audible was the wheat rustling and the noise from a few other cars that passed by. Elsa leaned towards her window, and stuck her hand out. She played with a few of the plants in her reach, brushing them as they danced in the breeze.

“So…what was that?” Anna looked to her sister, genuinely confused. She had a small understanding of what happened between Elsa and Honeymaren, and it was only from a few words the brunette had told her when she was in a vulnerable state. 

“I- Anna, I need to tell you something.” The blonde had an anxious look on her face when she turned to face her sister. She could tell because Anna’s expression changed from confusion to worry.

“Apparently, because that interaction was the opposite of one I’d expect from best friends.”

“I know. It’s a lot.”

“Yeah, I gathered. Especially because of the last interaction I had with Maren.” 

“Wait!” Elsa looked intrigued, “What interaction?”

Anna just shrugged it off. “I’ll tell you later. You say what you have to first.”

“Okay, okay.” Elsa unbuckled her seatbelt, and the ginger followed suit. She took in a deep breath, and let it out. What she was about to say was going to be very hard to do.

“Alright, he we go.” She was fiddling with fingers as they lay in her lap. Her hair blew in the breeze coming from the outside, wisps of it going in her face. “Remember that trip Maren and I took? To the cabin we used to go to as kids.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, after Hans and I broke up-”

“Hold on. Hans and you broke up!” Anna looked shocked. Elsa didn’t tell anyone besides Maren about it. Not even her sister. The blonde could tell the cogs were turning in her sister’s mind. She could see the questions forming in her blue eyes…but she didn’t really what to talk about that today.

“Yes, we did. He cheated, I confronted him. He pushed me, I got hurt and I ended it. But that’s beside the point.” She let out another breath, “Anyway, when we went on the trip, something happened…We..M-me and Maren. We made love!” She just shouted it all out, finally letting it off her chest, “Wow, finally said it. I’ve always wanted to tell you.” She let out a giggle and looked at her sister whose eyes shot out. She was stunned. The ginger looked like she was putting together a million puzzle pieces.

“Oh. My. God! Elsa! Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“I was scared. We decided to keep it between us.” The blonde looked to the side, blushing, twirling a stand of her hair in her hand.

“Oh my god! Oh my god! This makes so much sense now.” The blonde looked at her sister, she quirked her eyebrow. ‘What does she mean, makes sense now?’ She thought. “Oh, Elsa. Was it good?” She leaned closer to the blonde, eyes piercing through her sisters, with a wide smile on her face. ‘Why was she so excited?’

“Anna…! Why would you ask that?” She said in a hushed, but stern voice.

“Well was it?”

Elsa looked at her hands, and whispered under her breath, “Y-yeah, it was.” She pursed her lips, trying to hide a smile. It actually felt freeing to talk to her sister about this, especially after holding it for so long.

“Better than Hans?” She raised her eyebrows in anticipation. The blonde quietly nodded. This made Anna squeal. Elsa still wondered why she was so happy about this.

“So…that means Honeymaren was your first. You were each other’s firsts!”

“Yes, Anna.”

“Awe…that’s so romantic.”

“Okay, why are you excited about this?”

“All in good time, dear sister. Alright, go on, describe it. Don’t be shy.” Anna gestured her sister to go on. She put her elbows on the centre console. Elsa knew her sister was a hopeless romantic. She rolled her eyes and proceeded to talk.

“Well, it was raining and winding…and we were lying in bed. It was the last day before we came back. We said we wished we could be like that for one night, just one single night. And one thing led to another, everything happened.”

“And, what was it like?”

“Well…” Elsa changed her sitting position into a more comfortable one. She looked outside, and saw the wheat in the breeze once again. “She was gentle and cool, like a breeze. But again, she was warm and caring, like a warm summer day. And she was passionate and vigorous, like a thunderstorm. It felt, amazing, like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s like, like she knew me so well, every single thing about me. It was magical, it really made me wish the trip would never end.” She realised she had been talking for so long and stared back at her sister, who was in awe.

“Woah, I’ve never heard you speak like that.”

“Well, Maren can do that to a person.” She chuckled at the thought of her friend. She looked back to that night. The brunette’s warm body, soft hands and hot breath. How they moved together in sync, in a continuous dance. How she made her shiver and shake. And how many times she shouted her name. She’d never felt that with Hans, Maren was her first. The most she’d been connected to, and she’d always held that close to her heart.

Then, her mind drifted to the morning after. The two had woken up to each other, smiling. Elsa sat on the bed, wearing Honeymaren’s white dress shirt, which was one size too big for her. She watched the brunette dress up, and for a moment, everything seemed perfect. But unfortunately, they decided to leave this in the past and forget about it, never to tell any other soul about it. But Elsa knew Honeymaren was just doing it for her sake, she was always so selfless…even though she thought her love for Elsa was selfish.

“Wait? After the trip. Oh, oh no. Didn’t Hans propose after the trip.” The blonde nodded to her sister. Unfortunately, immediately after the two had returned, they went to Elsa’s parents’ house and found about a hundred people there. Apparently, Hans had thrown an engagement party without her input. He’d proposed there and then, before that he whispered apologies into her ear. She couldn’t say no in front of all of her friends and family. And just like that, in a week Elsa Oldenburg would be Elsa Isles. 

Hans rushed the wedding preparations, and it was all done in a weeks’ time.

“That’s terrible.”

Elsa didn’t want to think about that day. She didn’t want to think about how cameras flashed in her face. How she saw Honeymaren run upstairs from the corner of her eye. And how her parents ran after her, which always confused her, until her wedding day. Then, she just chalked it down as them being as caring as they always are.

“Wait…it’s your turn now. Please explain…Everything on your end.”

“Okay, okay. So…I always thought you and Honeymaren were dating when I was younger, but when you started dating Hans, I just cut the suspicion off. Anyway, on the wedding day…at your reception, I think. I saw Maren run out, and I was sitting with Mom and Dad. They told me to go check on her…at first I was confused, but Mom and Dad always seemed to be more close to her in the few situations where she just ran away, so I listened to them. And what I found…wasn’t pretty, but it makes more sense now.” 

“Anna… what did you find?” Elsa looked worried, she was afraid of what could have happened to her friend. She listened carefully as her sister began to narrate the whole event to her,

____

Anna walked slowly into the hotel bathroom, shouting Honeymaren’s name. “Honeymaren! Honey, are you okay?!” She was very anxious. She didn’t know what was going on, or what was wrong with Honeymaren. What did her parents know that she didn’t? 

The bathroom was dimly lit with buzzing lights. It had white walls, covered in a few stains, a tiled floor and a few chairs and mirrors. The room felt odd, and uncomfortable. The doors had a few writing on them, and were quite scratched. Anna heard a few coughs and followed them.

The ginger woman walked into the first stall, and found Maren vomiting into the toilet. She was coughing terribly, and crying her eyes out. Anna quickly went over to hold her long hair up. After the brunette was done, she sat up and wiped her mouth and eyes. She was sniffling.

“Honey? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Anna didn’t know what to say or do, all she could do was hold Honeymaren’s hand in hers and stroke her hair.

“I-I’m a burden. I’m a burden on E-Elsa and her future. I-I don’t fit in…I shout just leave.” She was stuttering and breathing heavily. ”I’m the problem. Yeah…maybe I’m the problem, I should just leave.” All Anna could see in Honeymaren’s eyes was fear, sadness and anger. What was happening to her friend? Why did she think she was a burden? Before she could ask Honeymaren stood up and walked towards the mirror. It had a few white dots and scratches on it. The brunette began to fix her hair and make. She leaned over the sink and washed her mouth and face.

“Honeymaren, where is all of this coming from?”

The brunette turned towards Anna, with fear and disgust on her face, and distaste in her mouth. “Ask the man you call your grandfather?”

“Honeymaren, Grandfather is dead.” Anna was beyond confused at this point. Runeard had died almost a year before this, what could he have to do with anything?

“Yes, but he still managed to leave this behind.” The brunette handed Anna a letter and ran away saying, in a low voice, “Goodbye, Anna. Tell Elsa I’m sorry.”

____

“She handed me a letter and ran way. I gave it to mom and dad, and they kept it. I don’t know what it said, but it really hit her bad. After what you told me, it all makes sense now.”

Elsa felt like she was floating in a void. It was all hitting her. She remembered an image from her wedding. She was sitting at a high table and saw Mr. James, a trusted friend of Runeard’s, handing Honeymaren a letter. After reading it, she ran out, towards the bathrooms. She always wondered what happened that day. It must have been something really bad.

“That’s horrible. I wish I had known. I rattled my brain for years trying to figure out why she could have just…left. I thought I’d hurt her so much that she was at her breaking point.” Elsa placed one hand on her shoulder and looked down sadly. 

“Of course not. Honeymaren would never leave unless she thought it was for your own benefit, even if it wasn’t that time.” Anna placed her hand on hers and gave her sister a warm smile. This made Elsa feel much better, what would she do without her little sister.

“So, did you know too? You said something about old suspicions…Is that it?”

“About what? You and Maren?” The blonde nodded, “Nope, not much until you told me. Why do you ask?”

“Because Mom and Dad knew.” Elsa rubbed her neck, quite embarrassed.

“What?! Really?! Since when?” 

“I don’t know exactly, but they knew for a long time.”

Anna moved so she could see Elsa more clearly. She looked intrigued, anticipating the story that was about to be told. She slapped her knees and said, wide eyed, “Tell me everything.”

____

The warm hotel bedroom shone a bright year from the sun’s light. It was quite large, with 2 beds and an extra room. Anna, Iduna, Elsa and Honeymaren all sat in it, dressing up and preparing for the wedding.

“Wow, Honeymaren, you look amazing.”

“No, Elsa, it’s your day. You look phenomenal.” Elsa was in a long white wedding dress that accentuated her slender figure. It had a long train and beautiful flower and snowflake stitches and patterns all around it. It was a long sleeved, and came with a stunning long vale with tens of flowers and gems on top. Her hair was tied up in a bun, with a few curls around it. She knew she looked amazing, her mother and friends had helped her get ready of course. But her eyes were transfixed by the brunette woman who had just come out of the small dressing room/bathroom in their hotel bedroom.

She wore a long dress that highlighted her features as well, so did Anna. The only different between the bridesmaids and wedding dresses was that unlike Elsa’s, theirs had no stitched patterns, just pearls lined in different designs. The bridesmaids’ dresses didn’t have a train or a vale, instead they had a tiny flower crown on their heads.

Everyone in that room looked great to Elsa, her sister looked amazing as always, and her mom looked so elegant. But she was mostly mesmerized by the brunette’s beauty. Her dress fit her perfectly and emphasized all of her curves. She looked gorgeous, her long hair was tied in single bread and bangs, similar to Anna who had 2 braids instead. 

She knew she was staring, but she didn’t want to stop, all she heard around her was mumbling. She knew that maybe this was the last time she’d get to look at her friend like this. And even though she tried so hard to deny it, she loved Honeymaren with all her heart. She was madly in love, and yet, she couldn’t do anything about it. Priorities, right? From what she’d been thought, that wasn’t her path, although she really felt like it was. 

Maren looked back at her and gave her a smile. Her heart melted. To think that on her wedding day, her future husband was the last thing on her mind. She noticed the brunette gesturing to something behind her. Then everything was clear and she could hear her mother say, “Elsa, could I talk to you for a second?” Iduna looked at Anna and Honeymaren, “In private?” The two women took the hint and left the room.

Now, only Iduna and Elsa sat in the room. Elsa was sitting on a sofa, and the older woman joined her. Her dark brown hair was tied up in a ball of curls, covered in pearls, and she wore a graceful and elegant purple dress. She was now face to face with Elsa. The blonde didn’t look worried at all, she was expecting a long speech about how much her mother loved her or how proud she was, but what she heard that day was beyond anything she expected.

“Sweetie, we need to talk.” Elsa felt her heart stop. What was happening? What was wrong? What did she do? Her mind was racing, and her mother could see that. The brunette woman placed her gentle hands onto the blonde’s shoulders, “Don’t worry, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Elsa looked into her mother’s eyes and felt much better. Iduna placed her hands back onto her laps and began speaking.

“Elsa, do you really want to get married to this man?” Elsa wanted to speak but her mother rose her hand, “Elsa, parents notice things, although you crazy kids may think we don’t, we do.” The blonde woman let out a soft giggle, making the whole situation feel much lighter, “Is there anything you need to tell me?”

“N-no, mother. There’s nothing I need to tell you.” Elsa was now getting worried, what did her mother know? Was it something she did? Did she know about her and Maren? Her hurt was racing, as she waited for her mother to speak. Finally, the older woman let out a sigh and began talking.

“Okay, then. I guess I’ll have to do this straight forwardly. You may not know this, but your father wanted me to let you know something important. When he was younger, he had…a few relationships that your grandfather wasn’t too happy with.” Elsa looked deep into her mother’s eyes, intrigued and confused at the same time. “He went to a boys’ boarding school, and there he discovered a lot about himself and who he liked. He found out that he liked both men and women.”

Elsa started coughing, she choked up…she knew why her mother was saying this, she knew what was going on. And even though she never knew about her father’s sexuality, her mind didn’t dwell on it for long because she knew what her mother was going to say soon.

“He even had a boyfriend, but…Runeard didn’t like that, and neither did the other boy’s parents. The boy got sent to a conversion camp, and your father was almost sent to one too…but your grandmother begged Runeard not too. Because of this, and many other reasons, Grandpa and your father weren’t really on speaking turns. They despised each other since then. We tried to keep him out of you and Anna’s lives, but you know he is a powerful man. 

Your father was always upset with himself. Why? Because he knew what Runeard was doing. He was trying to make you into…something her couldn’t make of his own son. He wanted to make you perfect, restrict you, make you the child he never had or saw in your father. We knew it was a burden, we tried to help…but it didn’t work. Your father and I never wanted you to be burdened, forced to change yourself or do things you didn’t want to just because of your grandfather’s teachings. We want you to be free and do whatever you want, be whoever you want to be.”

Elsa’s eyes were glassy, her vision was blurry and it was getting harder to breath. Part of her tried so hard to deny and deny, and another part was hitting the glass walls. Trying so hard to escape this person, this façade that Runeard made of her. But she couldn’t do it, she knew she just had to deny everything. It had been in graved in her by now.

She stood up, “Mother, I do not know what you’re insinuating.” 

Iduna stood up as well, “Sweetie, I think you do.”

“No, I don’t- I’m not…anything. I’m great as I am, I don’t understand-”

She was interrupted by her mom’s stern but gentle voice, “Elsa.” Her mother’s eyes were full of nothing but certainty and determination. Elsa’s mind shouted no, please don’t let what’s about to happen go on. “I know you’re in-love with Honeymaren.”

Elsa stepped back, almost tripping on her dress. She felt her world crumbling around her. No matter how much she tried to push all of this down, it always came back up one way or another.

“No- I- How do you know?” The woman’s eyes were wide, she felt like she was losing her cool, her sanity and stability.

“I told you, Sweetie, parents just know.”

“No, how do you know? What did she tell you?!” She gasped and covered her mouth. She snapped at her mother, with tears in her eyes, her voice strained and her cheeks red. She stepped back and sat on one of the two beds.

Her mother, on the other hand, was calm. She did look a little worried for her child, but she was still kind and gentle. She sat at Elsa’s side and started rubbing her back, “Sshh, don’t worry, sweetie. Don’t cry, everything is fine.”

“No it’s not! I’m a fucking monster!” Elsa was rubbing her eyes, breaking down. She had been keeping so much in for the whole week, this was her breaking point. Her breaking point from her entire life. Years of feeling horrible. Like a monster, a problem. The words coursed through her mind for years, ‘Maybe I am the problem, maybe I’m the monster.’

She looked deep into her mother’s eyes, like a sad child, so hurt and alone, “Mom, why am I like this?” Her voice was low, and weak. She was fragile at that moment, vulnerable and afraid. Iduna brought Elsa’s head to her chest, and embraced her. “Oh, sweetie. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a monster, you are a beautiful, strong young woman. And I will always love you, no matter what.”

“How did you know?”

“Well, like I said, parents notice these kinds of things. Elsa, I know you like the back of my hand, so does your father. We’ve known for years, maybe even before you did.

And one day…your father noticed Honeymaren was really down, even depressed and spoke to her. He found out that she was going through the same thing he did…and that she was afraid of telling her aunt and brother. We helped her out and…she got much better. Later, we noticed that you two might have really liked each other. We had our suspicions, but we confirmed Honeymaren’s feeling for you at the engagement party, she only told us about herself…probably respecting your wishes and boundaries. Also… I saw the two of you dancing last night.”

The blonde’s mind drifted back to the night before. The 4 women had decided to have a small bachelorette party. At the end of it, Anna and Iduna had slept. Elsa and Honeymaren spoke for hours in their shared bed, whispering in each other’s ears. Oddly, it didn’t feel awkward at all. Honeymaren really respected Elsa’s wishes and took the news with grace and acceptance. Elsa told the brunette she didn’t want to dance the couples dance. She never really liked dancing, unless it was with Honeymaren. So Honeymaren suggested that the two practice, because Elsa didn’t with Hans, he was busy. The two danced in each other’s arms, slowly, for who knows how long. It was a beautiful experience for the blonde. She stroked Honeymaren’s hair as they danced through the night. Iduna must have woken up and seen.

Elsa sat up from her mother’s warm embrace, and wiped the last of her tears away. Maybe she could end this, run away with the one she loved, her parents seemed alright with it, Anna might have too. But that voice, that little voice in her head stayed persistent, ‘You are a terrible human being. You’re a traitor to your faith, a traitor to the teachings of your grandfather. You’re a monster, you don’t deserve love…just get married to Hans. This is your path, this is your life now.’ Even her mother’s kind works couldn’t drown that voice, nothing could. 

“So, do you still want to get married?” Elsa looked at her mother, trying to answer the question she posed.

____

There she sat on a high table at her wedding reception. It was a large dark blue room, full of dozens of white tables and hundreds of people at them. The master of ceremonies announced, “I present to you, once again, Mr and Mrs. Isles.”

The crowd screamed, shouted and cheered for them. She looked to Hans, her new husband. There was no spark, she felt sad, miserable even. So many thoughts were running through her mind, like a conversation she overheard between two old women an hour ago. 

“Finally, little Isles secured the bag.” She’d heard that before. Hans was the last born out of 13 brothers. He would never inherit his father’s company, and he had the least amount of shares. Many people gossiped and speculated that Hans only got with Elsa for the money, the money her family had because of her grandfather’s business. It never bothered her before, but today…it was really worrying her.

Her thoughts were cut off by Hans, who forcefully kissed her out of nowhere. Her eyes were wide. The kiss was harsh and rough, like it often was…all she heard around her were camera flashes. Her world began to move much slower, everything was moving at a much slower pace. After the kiss, the two turned towards the crowd. Tens of camera’s flashed in their eyes, Elsa could do nothing but stand-still, the crowd cheered even more. She felt like she was drowning.

Her view was about to get blurry, she felt like she was going to faint, until one image came into view. A slow vision of Honeymaren walking back to her table hit the blonde’s eyes.

Flash.

The brunette was getting her things. The blonde wanted to run after her, ask what was wrong. Her friend’s eyes looked red, like she had been crying. She couldn’t move, she felt so helpless. Stuck in place. The world was still moving so slowly around her, her friend was so close and yet so far away. The brunette slowly turned to her.

Flash.

Her face was illuminated in the white light, showing all the fear and sadness in her brown eyes. All around her, she could hear muffled clapping and cheering, but her eyes only saw the brunette, at that moment, only they existed in the world.

Flash.

She saw her mouth the words, ‘Goodbye, Elsa.’ She wished she could just run up to her, tell her to stay, but nothing happened. The brunette’s figure moved bit by bit, leaving the reception. And Elsa just stood there, frozen. 

Flash.

And she was gone.

____

The car stopped at the front of Elsa’s cream white house, the two were silent for most of the car ride. Or at least, after Elsa told her side of the wedding day. Elsa asked Anna not to ask any more questions, for now, she needed a break from all of it.

Elsa walked out of the car, and started proceeding to her home. She was stopped by Anna calling her name.

“Elsa! I know you’re going through a lot right now, but before I forget to say this…I meant it, you really do need to get a job, now that Hans is gone. I know he doesn’t like you working but you need to provide for yourself, I know you don’t like using Runeard’s money. I suggest using that degree of yours, I know it would make you happy.” Anna gave her one last smile, and drove off. Elsa watched her sister go until she was out of sight.

‘A job, huh. Maybe I will get one.’

Although the day was hard to get through, digging up her troubled past, this made her much happier. ‘A job, finally.’ And she could do what she loved, mechanic. ‘And hey, maybe I can try out air plane mechanics, I’ve always wanted to.’ 

She ended her day, hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took much longer, it's even longer than all the other chapters, but I really like how it turned out.


	4. Trigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa finally gets a job and meets an old friend in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Graphic depictions of Domestic Abuse and Violence

It was a windy day, the sky was a greyish-blue, and the clouds blew swiftly across it. The street around Elsa was empty, leaves, newspapers and plastics blew around her and she stood in awe, facing her dream. The pavement below her was grey, and tall green trees towered over the blonde. In front of her was a tall orange brick wall fence, with a black steel gate. 

Her pulse rate increased. She was full of fear and excitement. After a few minutes of encouraging and ensuring herself, she walked to the gate and knocked on it. Out of it came a talk dark man, with black hair and a beard, full of grey and white strands. He had a big bright smile, but he still looked intimidating. He wore a blue uniform, with a name tag on it, it said Mattias. Mattias held a clip board in his hand, and a pen. He stood in front of the blonde and spoke, a smile still on his face.

“How are you today, Ma’am?”

“Fine, thank you, and how are you?”

“Great.” He started flipping through the papers of his clipboard and landed on page full of names, “Uh…here we go. Name?”

“Elsa Isles.”

His pen moved along the page, searching for the blonde’s name, “Yep, her it is, Elsa Isles. Although you’re a little bit early, it’s only 6.”

Elsa giggled, “Well, I’m an early worker. The sooner you get to it, the more you’ll get done, right?”

Mattias laughed, “Ha, the boss will love that. Alright, Welcome to M. A, Elsa.” He stepped aside to let the blonde in.

“Thank you, Mr. Mattias.” 

Elsa only walked a few paces until she froze again. The place was beautiful. It had huge, white buildings ahead of her, with hundreds of square windows. The place was covered in luscious green grass and striking flowers in various colours, mostly blue ones. The place had different paths leading to tens of other buildings, shaped like half-hexagons or rectangles. 

There was one, old, but stunning gold plane in the centre of all the grass, surrounded by more blue flowers. It wasn’t really made of gold, but it looked like it was. And even though they weren’t in sight, Elsa knew there hundreds of planes in warehouses behind the buildings. She had seen images of them in the newspapers. 

Elsa began to walk, slowly but surely. The gentle morning breeze moved around her, blowing her hair in dress in all sorts of direction. Her hair was like it usually was, free and spread across her shoulders and back. Her dress was grey today, with slim black plaid patterns all around it. She also wore a white beret and shoes that complimented her pale skin tone. 

She’d dressed to impress because she knew a bit about the boss. From the little she read, she knew the boss was a young woman who had built that Aviation company in only 2 years. It was the biggest in the game, and the woman was praised for being the first woman to own and Aviation Company. Unfortunately, she didn’t know her name. All she knew was that people often called her Ms. N.

Elsa was fascinated by the woman, and she would often read about the mysterious Ms. N. The only problem was that she had to do it quite sneakily so Hans wouldn’t find out. Once he caught her, he said she was prioritizing her dreams over him and that she wasn’t fulfilled with their marriage, so she went looking for that content somewhere else. After that, she had to stop. Who knew that a year after that she’d be getting a job in her company.

The blonde was now at the door of one of the white buildings. Before walking in she looked up at the company name, it looked familiar, like she had heard or seen it somewhere before, “Maarja Air, here I come.” Her slim hands touched the door, and pushed it slightly. A few steps and she was in. 

The place looked quite empty, like the outside…but then again, she was early so she wasn’t surprised. Working hours began at 8. Her footsteps made small sounds that echoed around the room, as she slowly walked in. She raised her head and spun around, looking around her. The room was enormous, with a glass ceiling and white walls. The floor was polished and reflective, and some parts of it were adorned with blue carpets and dark brown tables. The lights shone, and the draft flowed in. 

Elsa was enthralled, she’d lost her train of thought just looking at the room, and staring at the abstract painting on the walls surrounding her, a few of them looked familiar, ‘Maybe they’re by a famous artist’. She was so taken in by them that she jumped when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She landed back on her feet, and clumsily regained her balance. The blonde looked towards the source of the footsteps and saw a young woman walking towards her. She wore a blue dress shirt, and blue slacks that complimented her blue eyes, she had honey blonde hair and pale ivory skin. The woman had a bright smile, and was holding a book in her hands. 

When she got closer, Elsa could notice she had pretty pearl earrings on. The honey blonde extended her pale hands towards Elsa and spoke in a cheerful voice, “Hi, my name is Ella.” Elsa took her hand and shook it, “Hey, I’m Elsa. I’m here for the job, airplane mechanic.” 

Their hands separated, “Ah, yes. I know who you are, I saw your application, and you seem very qualified. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Ella stood straight, with her feet together. She had an ID on that said Secretary Ella C. Tremaine. The honey blonde woman slowly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It was done in an up do, with curls and bangs. Her striking blue eyes stared at the blonde, she was about to ask a question.

“Well, you’re quite early.” She started walking and gestured for Elsa to follow. The silver blonde followed suit.

“I’m an early worker.” She shrugged, with a small smile on her face.

The honey blonde chuckled, “Just like the boss. She comes in at 5 in the morning, I’m taking you to her. She loves to meet all the new workers.”

“Oh, really?” Elsa was intrigued, she wanted to know more about the mysterious Ms. N. 

“Yep, especially today. It’s been a week since most of the men went to war, so we’ve been down on half of our workers. A lot of the women coming in today either have degrees they didn’t use or are coming in as trainees. She’s really excited to meet all of you.”

The two walked through corridor upon corridor, and up staircases. They were in a large passageway with golden brown walls made of polished wood. The walls had more paintings on it. The floor was carpeted with a green fabric, and the ceiling was black. This building looked very different from the bland offices she was used to. She heard that the boss was very artistic, and was inspired by the modern looks of the very advanced Miti Mapacha Infrastructures, built by the people of Nyeusi Land.

“H.M painted all of these paintings.” Said Ella, as she pointed at one of the paintings, “Except the ones in her office, those were done by some orphans she brought over a few months ago. She loves doing charity work.”

“Awe, that’s very sweet.” Elsa liked this person even more, she was really relieved that she didn’t end up with a terrible person as her boss. But her mind went to something else immediately, ‘H.M. I guess that’s her nickname.’

The two walked for a few more minutes until they were at the end of the corridor, and in front of them was a single black wooden door, with intricate patterns painted on it, “Alright, you go right it. I have to go and attend to some calls.” Ella started walking away while the silver blonde stood still, “Also, she likes to do a weird thing when she meets people so don’t be surprised.”

‘What weird thing- Better not dwell on it.’ The blonde turned around, her slender fingers touched the door knob, shaking a little. She let out a large sigh and pushed the door forward. And in a moment, she was in. 

The room was smaller than she expected, but it was still quite big. She could see the children’s paintings on the left and right of the orange walls of the room. There were different trophies in a glass shelf under the paintings, and a few plane models in random places, like a black table next to her. She sat down on a black leather sofa, with her legs crossed, looking around the room. In front of her was a large black table, with blue plane models on it, a few papers and a large black chair. It was facing a window behind the building, which was very large and revealed a view of dozens of trees.

She was beginning to feel much better until the chair behind the desk started creaking. It started spinning dramatically, ‘This must be the weird thing,’ she thought. The blonde just sat there, waiting patiently. Then suddenly the chair spun fast and the figure in it was now facing her, “Surprise!” She shouted. 

Elsa yelped and jumped, and was now completely on top of the sofa. Not only because the person in front of her startled her, but also because of who it was. It was Honeymaren Nattura. After the brunette turned and saw who it was, she fell out her chair. Thump, she landed on the floor, “Shit.”

Elsa was worried for a second and stood up to see if she was okay, but just as soon as she fell, she popped back out, “Hi!” She was now leaning on her table, quite shaken. She was smiling awkwardly, and visibly uncomfortable. She looked much less composed than she was at the train station. Maybe it was because there, she had time to collect her thoughts, but now, Elsa was just in her office, out of nowhere.

“Hi…Elsa. Wow, I should really start reading the new worker lists.” She stood up and chuckled embarrassedly. She gestured towards the sofa, and Elsa sat once more. The brunette walked back to her chair and sat cross-legged. Her long hair was done in a ponytail and bangs. She wore a white vest with a black, open jacket over it, and black slacks.

Now that Elsa knew who it was, everything made much more sense. Honeymaren’s favourite colour was blue. She was very artistic and loved doing art in her free time. And she was an orphan, so she loved helping other orphans like herself. When she was 10 years, her single mother, Maarja, died, and after that her Aunt Yelena took her and Ryder in. It all came back and made so much sense. 

“So…Welcome to Maarja Air. I hope you’re liking it so far. I’m- Well, you already know.” The brunette fiddled with her fingers as she stared at the blonde, her voice didn’t sound very enthusiastic, like she was forcing herself to say this. Elsa was looking at her hands now, but her head shot up when she heard Honeymaren place her hands on her desk, “Okay, enough of this. I know you and Anna ran away from me at the train station, which is understandable, I would have run away too…well, I did. I’m sorry for leaving out of nowhere, like a lot happened and it was selfish of me and I got a stupid let-” 

“Maren!” The brunette stopped rambling and paid attention to the blonde, “Its fine, everything’s fine. I- can we just keep all of that in the past?” Elsa really didn’t want to talk about the past, especially with Honeymaren. She knew that if she went down that path, dug herself into that hole, she’d only come out hurt, and she’d likely hurt her friend again.

Honeymaren looked disappointed, she probably had a lot to say, wanted to explain a lot, but she just sighed and gave the blonde a smile. “No problem, Elsa.” Elsa…Elsa. Elsa. The blonde loved hearing her name on the brunette’s tongue, it always sent chills down her spine. It reminded her of their night in the cabin, and how many times she heard it…but she immediately decided not to let her mind go there.

“Alright then, Welcome to Maarja Air, Elsa.” She walked towards the blonde and they shook hands, Elsa was now standing up, and the two were face to face. 

Elsa was entranced by the shorter woman’s deep brown eyes. She never got to tell Honeymaren this, but they always looked like they were dancing to her. The patterns and waves in her iris always looked like they were moving in a continuous dance, swirling and spinning, exploding with colour. Like sand dunes blowing in a hot breeze, or pulls of honey in the bright sun.

She once remembered asking her dad if he saw the same thing when they were repairing the car together, all he did was say, “No, I haven’t noticed. But a wise man once said:

Kindred spirits often see in each other what others don’t. The eyes are the window to soul, and they speak to those who hear, those they have a connection with. Bound together by the strings of fate.” and gave her a sweet and sort of knowing smile. 

Elsa looked at him in confusion that day, “Dad, what does that even- And which wise man said that?”

“Me, of course.” After that the two laughed it off together.

Then, Elsa didn’t know why he said that, but now she understood.

“Ella usually gives the tours, but since she’ll be doing that at 8, when everyone else comes, I’ll have to give you this one. Is that fine?” Elsa simply nodded.

She wondered what would be of the days to come. Working with her old friend,

____

The two walked together around the silent building. Honeymaren had told the blonde that there was somewhere they needed to go first. Elsa agreed. She spent most of the time looking around. The various rooms and paintings, the flowers around were all arrange beautifully, and complemented the colours of the walls. 

The blonde stopped at one specific painting, and when the brunette noticed she stopped and looked at it as well. Elsa recognized it. It was a painting Honeymaren did when they were in high school. The brunette asked Elsa to be her model. It was painting of her with blue flowers in her hair and below her neck, and a blind fold covering her eyes. It was only a portait, from the shoulders up, and the background was grey abstract. But Elsa loved it with all her heart. It was the only realistic painting Honeymaren had ever done. 

When Elsa once asked her, all those years ago, why she painted her realistically unlike other people, who she painted in abstract, the brunette simply said, “I’ve never seen the world normally, or as it is. It’s always looked confusing, or withdrawn from reality…just shapes and colours. Never clear, always twisted. I don’t see the world, but I see you. I see you, Elsa.” And she ended it just like that.

“You still have this…” Elsa said, as her fingers graced the golden frame.

“Yeah…it’s one of my favourite pieces. And of course I’d keep it, remember how long it took.” 

Elsa laughed, “Yes, I remember. You made me pose in front of you for hours…for 3 months. And in that whole time you wouldn’t let me see a thing.”

Honeymaren just shrugged and continued walking, “A small price to pay for art.”

Elsa rolled her eyes, gave the painting one more glance and continued to walk as well. She’d missed talking to her friend, how they’d joke with each other and tease each other. Honeymaren is in all of her happiest memories, she really hoped that could be the same again.

In a few minutes, the two were in a small blue room full of uniforms. The odd thing is that none of them were…uniform. They were all different in individual ways. Honeymaren started looking through some of them and found a section full of clothes Elsa’s size.

“Alright, you look great.” Elsa blushed immediately and looked to the side, “But….you can’t work in a dress or that hair. Here are the uniforms we work in. None of the ones in this section have names, meaning no one has worn them before, and they’re all your size. There are some shoes in the corner. You can pick anything you want.” Honeymaren tiptoed, reached the top of a shelf and took a black marker. She handed it to Elsa. “Write your name on the blank white rectangle when you pick one and tie your hair in a ponytail or bun, whatever you want. I’ll be waiting for you outside.” 

Honeymaren walked out, and the door closed with a small bang. Elsa looked through the clothes, trying to find what she’d like. She held up black trousers, then a blue jumpsuit, then dark blue overalls. She actually liked the last one and through it onto her shoulders. Then she found a long sleeved, coloured, light blue shirt. 

The blonde slowly took of her dress, shoes and hat. She wrote her name on the white spot on her overalls, and wore the clothes. She used two strands of her hair to tie it into a ponytail and wore some brown leather men’s loafers. Then she packed her outfit in a plastic she found on the floor, and placed it in a drawer.

The blonde left the room and found Honeymaren leaning on the wall. Immediately the blonde walked out, the brunette eyes widen, “Wow, you look pretty. I don’t think I look good in my uniform, so it’s nice to see everyone else make it work.” She started walking towards the blonde, laughing. At first, she felt a bit flustered from the compliment, but then she remembered Honeymaren is one of the kindest people she knew. She’d always compliment and build people up, which always made her feel happy. Especially since for years she had to endure creepy comments from men who fetishized her appearance, sometimes she’d even heard those weird comments from Hans, they’d always made her uncomfortable.

“I need to change too, I’ll have to start working and then meet everyone else. I’ll be back.” The brunette went into the room and Elsa stood there, looking at the ceiling. The ceiling in this particular hallway was glass, so she could see the clouds moving through the sky. She looked around the passageway, unlike the others this one was white, but it had very colourful paintings that contrasted the lack of colour in the walls. The place felt so peaceful, and different. It was better than just going to the grocery, then home, and the cycle of 2 continues. 

She waited for the brunette patiently. Although meeting Honeymaren at the train station wasn’t really a nice experience, she felt much better now. And although she wasn’t back to…full blast with her friend, she was getting more comfortable around her. 

Bang. Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of the door closing. She looked away from the ceiling and saw Honeymaren walking out of the room. Even though the brunette said she didn’t like how she looked in her uniform, Elsa thought she looked great.

The brunette wore a tight fitting white vest, with a baggy jumpsuit. The jumpsuit’s sleeves were tied around her waist, so it only covered her from the waist down. The brunette’s arms were exposed, and Elsa could see her bra straps on her collar bones. The blonde was blushing, Honeymaren looked stunning. She always looked great in anything, or at least that’s what Elsa thought. 

“Alright, let’s go to the cafeteria, Ti must be here by now.”

The two began walking once again, but Elsa barely processed what the brunette said. She was still surprised by the fact that even after 2 years, she’d still get dumbfounded by her friend’s beauty. Her voice, her personality and whole atmosphere. Even though she tried to block it for years, the image of the brunette would always come back up. Her dancing eyes in the sunlight, her skin in deep blue ocean water, her wet hair in it, or how her hair blew in the wind as they run though fields on their cabin trip. Her voice when it was low, or high. How smart she was, how she was able to solve almost any situation. How passionate she was about aviation, mechanics, her art, about everything she put herself to. Elsa fell in love with all of that years ago, even though she hated herself for it, or tried to deny it. She feared that those feelings never went, and that they’d come back stronger, now especially because they’ll be working together.

Before she knew it, the blonde was in the cafeteria. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was until she heard beautiful singing. A gorgeous woman with dark brown skin and black curly hair was behind the cafeteria counter, wiping the tables. She was humming a tune the blonde had heard once in a car with Honeymaren. They were going to the beach, for a swim. This was during their cabin trip. 

At the counter, was another woman, looking as the woman humming and wiping the counter. This woman looked East-Asian, and she had shoulder length, straight, silky black hair. She wore black slacks, and a white blouse. The other woman wore a green dress with an apron over it. 

Honeymaren walked over to them, with Elsa on her tail, and said hello, “Morning, Tiana. Hi, Mulan. This is Elsa, she’s new here. Elsa, these are Mulan and Ti.” The blonde waved at the two women, and they waved back with smiles.

Tiana went into the kitchen to grab a few things. Honeymaren began to tell Elsa a bit about Mulan, “Mulan is our self-defence trainer. She teaches on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. But I don’t do the classes because I was told I’m too good-”

Mulan burst out laughing, “Yeah, sure thing, HM. Anyway, yes I teach self-defence and if you’re interested you can join in.” 

Elsa wanted to say she didn’t need it, but then she remembered her living condition. Maybe self-defence could actually help. Honeymaren and Mulan continued talking, and she listened and laughed along until Tiana dropped a plate.

Crash!

The sound reached Elsa’s ears and immediately she yelped and winced. The blonde stepped back, and flinched at the sound of the breaking plate. 

____

Crash!

Hans threw the blue plate onto the floor. The two were in the sitting room staring at each other, both full of hatred for one another.

“Where did you find that out?!” Hans was walking towards Elsa, he looked angry, and the blonde knew he was drunk. He had just broken a plate that was lying on the table beside them.

“She called Hans! And she told me everything!” Elsa was upset as well, in that moment she stopped all her holding back and just let it all go. All her anger and frustration. She’d snapped. And she was right in that choice, what Hans had done was terrible. “She told me about the “business trips” and the “late nights at work.” It was only one year into their marriage, and he was already cheating…again. Just like before they got married.

“That bitch.” He said under his breath.

“It’s not her fault, you didn’t tell her you were married you cheating bustard-”

Elsa stopped in her tracks. Hans grabbed her face and started squeezing it, “Don’t talk to me like that. Know your place, bitch!” His hands were rough and hard. Elsa’s could smell his beer breath as he spoke to her. His spittle landing on her face. His green eyes looked dark.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” She shouted back. Although Elsa’s heart rate increased, she was still so upset. The red flags were everywhere, she wasn’t only annoyed with Hans, but herself as well.

“Oh really, what are you going to do about it?” His face got closer to hers, and she was beginning to lose her will to hold back. She started moving her face around, trying to fight his grip. He then used his other hand to start choking the blonde. Struggling for her breath, trying to get free of his hold, she ended up scratching his cheek. 

The ginger man let go of her face and neck and touched his face. His large fingers left his face and he looked at them, they were covered in some blood. He reacted like she’d stabbed him, his expression darkened so much that the blonde couldn’t even recognize him. Her stomach cramped and the hairs at the back of her neck rose up. She could sense something bad was going to happen.

The blonde covered her mouth, with shock and tears in her eyes. Hans looked back at her, fuming. And in one swift movement, his fist met her face. He’d punched her and she’d fallen to the floor. She could feel a cut forming below her eye. A single tear streamed down her face, her blue eyes were wide open. He’d hurt her before, he’d pushed her, scratched her, but this was the first hit she’d ever received a punch from him. She expected it, he’d always had signs of a violent person, but she was still shaken. Pain coursed through her face and neck, she felt weak and belittled. All she wanted to do was crawl into a dark place and hide from him and the rest of the world.

“Know your place.” Runeard’s voice was back in her head.

Her mind was all over the place, she couldn’t concentrate on one thing. Before she could even gather herself, a hand gripped her hair and she was being dragged across the floor. Like an object, a rag doll, helpless. She kicked her feet, punched the floor, screamed and wrestled for her freedom, but the ginger man still pulled her across the floor. She felt so useless and weak, no matter how much she moved and fought, nothing happened. They were approaching the bathroom door. Hans pulled her up by her hair and threw her into the room. He grabbed the keys and locked her in.

Elsa stood at the door, banging it, screaming at it. “Let me out, Hans…Let me out!” 

“This is for the best, Elsa.” She heard him shout before hearing footsteps, leaving the door.

“Hans? Hans?! Where are you going?!” 

“A business trip!” Elsa was fuming at this point, how dare he.

“You sick psycho! Let me out!” No response. Her cheeks were red, tears were streaming down her face. She could barely breath. The blonde was choking up, banging on the door. 

“Let me out you sick fuck! Hans!” Her screams came out harsh, and full of anger. Blood was now streaming down her cheek from the cut. “Please! Hans!” Her hands were now bleeding from hitting the door so much, they had a few cuts as well. She felt worthless and sick to her stomach. The blonde turned her back to the door and slid down to the floor. She hugged her knees, her bloody hands staining the rest of her body. She cried out, screamed, kicked. 

Her face started feeling worse. She stood up slowly and stared into her mirror, what she saw was devastating. Her neck was red and bruised. Her face was red and bloody, and her hair was a mess. Her gentle pale fingers, still covered in blood gently touched her neck. She winced at their touch, and she felt disgusted at the image in front of her. Elsa fell to the floor and hit it, what had she become? She was in so much pain. Her tears hit the floor and she let out a loud scream.

How do you come back from this? She desperately wished that after that incident, she’d leave him, but she didn’t. Her mental stability was crumbling. Her screams echoed through the bathroom and her veins were popping out of her read neck. She was turning and thrashing on the floor, punching it. Kicking and hitting her head on the floor. This was the level Hans had brought her to. An inferior being. He towered over her, beat her and made her feel like less. He made her feel like a child, helpless, tossing and turning around the floor, banging her head like a child throwing a tantrum. The screams did nothing to let out the anger within her, she was in so much pain. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.

“This is your path.”

____

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Tiana said as she picked up the shards from the floor.

Honeymaren was immediately by her side. “Elsa, are you okay?” Her sweet voice was in her ear. Her mind was still back at the darkest time in her life. She noticed that Honeymaren was trying to reach out to her and touch her shoulder, then she hesitated and pulled her hand back. She could see Tiana and Mulan giving each other knowing looks, they knew why she reacted like that. 

“N-no, Maren. Thanks. Um…could we just continue the tour?”

“Okay, let’s go then.” She walked slowly, looking at the blonde with concern in her eyes. Elsa felt disappointed, disappointed that after that incident, she had gotten used to Hans’ treatment and tolerated it. ‘If only things were different,’ she’d always thought those words over and over again. She could tell the three ladies suspected something, which was truly sad, sad that this was her life. If only…

‘Put on a show.

Make one wrong move 

and everyone will know.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you like this. I worked this entire day to get this out because I'll be busy this week, see you saturday.


	5. The Dark Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren work together on a plane

2 weeks had passed since Elsa’s first day at Maarja Air. Things had been going better than she’d expected. She had moved on from her incident on the first day and was now content with her work. The blonde was very happy to be in her element for the first time in years, she was working on multiple plane models and excelling at it. One of the senior workers, Madeline, had described her as one of the most promising new recruits.

In regards to Honeymaren, the two had spoken to each other a few times. Honeymaren was a very hands on boss, she’d work with everyone else and participated in all of the manual work. Although somethings still felt awkward, it was easier for the blonde to speak to her friend now. They had had a few conversations about what they’d been up to, and reminiscing about the past and school years. Even though she was getting more comfortable around her friend, she didn’t tell her anything about her abusive marriage or their past, romantically. She wasn’t ready to discuss any of that. Besides that, Elsa made a few new friends as well, including Mulan and Tiana. And even though she didn’t join the self-defence classes, she still spoke with both of them regularly.

Today she was in the warehouse with a few other women, they were each working on their own planes. Elsa had rolled up her sleeves, and placed a few tools into the pockets of her overalls. A few strands of hair fell out of her ponytail. She had been working on that particular model for a week now, and she began coming in at 5 am just to finish it quicker. She’d often meet Honeymaren working on a plane as well, and they’d either work in comfortable silence or strike some small conversation.

She worked tireless, trying to make the engine more durable and strong. She was interrupted by the sound of footsteps walking into the warehouse, it was Honeymaren. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, with multiple wisps of hair in her face. Her hands were stained with black oil and her white shirt had a few smudges on it. Her jumpsuit was loosely tied across her waist and she looked exhausted. 

“Hey, can anyone assist me?” She said, while wiping some sweat off of her forehead.

“With what?” Asked one of the women, who was working on a blue plane, it looked like a much older model. Maybe one from the mid 30s.

“I need help with a plane I’m working on. I can’t seem to get the propellers right.”

“Which one is it?” Asked another.

“….The defunct one…” 

Half of the women in the room, who had been there much longer than Elsa, sighed in unison, “H.M, you still think you can fix that. It’s called ‘defunct’ for a reason.” Said one woman with dark brown skin and short curly hair.

“Yeah. Even the creator gave up on it.” This statement came from a woman with red hair, olive skin and brown eyes. She was cleaning some gears and tools at a table in the corner. Although Elsa was confused, she could tell that Honeymaren had been working on an outdated or non-operational plane for a long time, and it wasn’t working out. 

“Guys…that was the first plane I ever bought, I really think I can fix it. Anyone wanna help today?” Most of the women looked to the side or mouthed sorry. No one wanted to take up an impossible task, especially one that even their boss had apparently failed to do for years. Elsa could see how much the plane meant to the brunette just by looking at her, and hearing her voice. She looked a bit disappointed, shrugged and was about to turn around before something came over the blonde.

“Wait, Maren!” She said as she stood up from her workstation, “I can help.”

“Really?” Honeymaren looked shocked, but nonetheless, she was happy to see someone was willing to help. “Great, meet me in my private workstation as soon as possible.” She was about to turn again once more before she said, with a smile, “Thank you, Elsa.” And then disappeared.

“You’re mad.” Said a girl next to Elsa. She wore black trousers, a black long sleeved shirt and brown shoes. She had pale skin, that made her pink and brown freckles more visible. Her curly black hair was done in 2 shoulder-length braids, and some free strands went over her face, going over her brown eyes. Her name was snow, and the two worked next to each other, meaning they had spoken together often.

“What makes you say that?” Elsa said as she packed her gear in a tool box.

“I heard H.M’s been working on that for 2 years, think you can work on it for another 2?” She said with a chuckle. Elsa knew she was really kind and cheerful, but she could be a bit of a tease sometimes.

“Yeah, if it takes that long.” Elsa gave Snow one last smile before throwing a towel across her shoulder and lifting her tool box. She started walking away.

“Wait. Before you leave, why do you call H.M, Maren? I’m curious.” Elsa could feel Snow’s sly smile from behind her, Snow could be quite curious from what she’d observed. She was also the youngest worker in the company at age 18.

Elsa stopped in her tracks and shut her eyes tight. She really didn’t want to talk about this but she had to. She opened her eyes, let out a sigh, regained her composure and turned around to face Snow. She could tell all the other women were looking at her now, also curious to hear the explanation.

“Childhood friends.”

“Since when?” Snow leaned in, looking even more intrigued.

“3”

“Wow, that long, huh? That explains a lot.” Snow gave Elsa a wink and turned back to her work.

Elsa looked at her friend in confusion, “What’s that supposed to mean-”

“A-ah,” Snow wagged her finger at Elsa, still looking away from her, “Defunct plane? I think you have work to do.” Elsa could see the smile on her face and just rolled her eyes. 

Elsa was really happy to have made a few friends. She never really interacted with many people in school or college, and it just got worse after she married Hans, only 3 weeks after graduating. She stopped going out with most of her friends, and only hang out with Anna. Snow was really interesting and nice to talk to, it was nice having friends again.

Elsa looked up at the glass ceilings as she walked to her old friend’s work room. The clouds were quite dark and grey, and had some unusual shapes. She could see them blowing quickly through the air current, moving like smoke from a fire. They reminded her of a day she once spent with Maren at a beach. The sand looked dark brown under that cloudy sky, it gently blew like sand in the desert and was covered in few and far between pitch black pebbles. As polished as marble, and as dark as ink. Other much larger stones, very few as well, towered over the beach like buildings. Elsa remembered how the waves met with the land, how foamy water covered their legs as they sat on the dark sand, leaving a few shells behind. The place felt odd, beautiful, yet devoid of life as well. But Elsa didn’t feel alone or empty, because she was with Honeymaren. What she remembered the most from that day, as she walked down the empty hallway, looking at the ceiling, was the sea. A sea she knew from her childhood, which was rough but much calmer than usual on that day. 

The Dark Sea.

_____

It was a grey day, dark and black asperitas clouds were forming in the sky. They were very rare clouds that looked dark and storm –like, and had a wavy under surface, similar to waves in many ancient paintings. The sky was a deep, greyish blue, comparable to the colour of the ocean. The sun had set, and the night was slowly beginning to consume the land and sea. Elsa and Honeymaren had come for a swim on their cabin trip. Before leaving the beach and going back to the cabin, the two decided to the test the water.

The water was rough and gentle at the same time. Its waters were soothing, and full of currents that moved in all sorts of directions. Pushing and pulling the girls about, flowing and ever changing. The sea was dark, a blue so deep that one couldn’t see their reflections in it. It was an abyss, and yet it felt so welcoming. Honeymaren wasn’t the best swimmer, so she found it harder to keep afloat. She could see herself going in and out of the water, her eyes saw the surface, mid-level and the deep below. Elsa on the other hand moved gracefully with the water, lost in its song and dance.

“Elsa…I don’t think I’m doing this right.” Honeymaren said as she fought the current between them. The water felt cold and piercing. To her, it wasn’t as gentle, it was rough and strong. Unkind and uncaring.

“You can do this, Maren.” Said the blonde and she swam closer to the brunette.

“No, I can’t. You know I’m not the best swimmer.” The world around the brunette felt chaotic, everything was loud and crashing. 

“Honey…Just hold on to me, okay.” Elsa was now only a few centimetres away from the shorter woman. She grabbed onto her friend and held in her arms. The current moved around the two and they held onto each other. To Honeymaren, the world was no longer loud and crashing, it was no longer twisted for that moment. She could see, feel and concentrate on the one warm thing in the abyss, in the void. Elsa’s warm body against hers. The cold current coursed through and around them, and yet they felt some kind of warmth.

Elsa stared at her friend, her hair was soaking wet and looked almost black in the dark lighting. Her brown eyes looked darker as well, reflecting the darkness of the sea and sky, but they still danced for her. They still moved as vigorously and beautifully and the waves in the ocean. Elsa’s world was Honeymaren at that point, all she could see was her. She felt like she was hearing beautiful violins playing in her ears, all around the young women, matching the movements and tones of the water. She could see both of their cold breaths in the air around them as they breath heavily in the ocean, as it crashed into and all over them. 

To Honeymaren, Elsa’s eyes looked as the dark as the ocean itself, reflecting the changing waters, moving like the tides. The two inched closer and closer to each other, as the white smoke from their warm breaths surrounded them. Before they could meet, as their lips were so close, so close that they were stroking each other…Honeymaren stopped, probably remembering the harsh fact about Elsa’s situation, and that whatever this was could never be. Elsa didn’t know what came over her at that moment, but she leaned in instead. Just like two waves the two’s lips crushed into each other.

This kiss felt just as electrifying as their first kiss, at the tree when they were still in high school. Elsa melted into the passionate kiss, her hands caressed the brunette’s lower back, moving ever so gently. She felt Honeymaren’s softly stroke through her wet silver blonde hair, which looked much greyer and whiter under the dark sky. Her brown hands flowed through her hair, smoothly over the sides of her neck and finally landed on her shoulders. One of the blonde’s hands rested on the brunette’s thighs, waking circles in her skin with her slender fingers. Although it was a magical experience for them both, it ended in nothing but emptiness and silence when they broke apart, with nothing to say. It was as though at the same time they remembered that this couldn’t happen.

Never the less, what happened nights after that day was much more than this. And yet, they didn’t care then, they were withdrawn from reality, and finished what they started in the deep blue sea.

____

Elsa walks into Honeymaren’s work station. She sees plane on a large platform, clearly very old. The room is quiet at the moment. The only audible sound is the cool breeze blowing through wide windows, making the orange curtains move in all sorts of directions. The room’s walls are made of dark brown wood, it’s is polished and shines with the harsh white light from the window. This room, like a few others in the building, had a glass ceiling. Elsa walked slowly, looking around the room with her shoes touching the soft black carpeted floor. She hugged her waist with her slender arms.

The room felt warm, and much more comfortable than the warehouse and Honeymaren’s office. It felt more like Honeymaren. The walls were covered in a few paintings, including finger paintings that looked like they’d been done by children. Small plane models hang from the glass ceiling, likely hooked on by some object. There were a few books in shelves, a navy blue sofa, paint brushes, flowers in vases and a few chocolate wrappers around the room. From the corner of her eye, Elsa could see part of the room, full of family photos. She walked towards that corner and caressed the pictures that hang on the wall. 

The blonde could see a picture of Honeymaren and Ryder as kids, a picture of Honeymaren and her mother when she was younger and a few other family photos. At the bottom left corner, she could see a picture of her, Honeymaren and Anna at school. And next to that one she saw a picture of herself and Honeymaren on graduation day. She remembers that her father took the picture. She looks a little bit closer and notices that they weren’t looking at the camera. Their faces faced the camera, but their eyes only looked at each other. The blonde reached for the photo, her gentle fingers touching the glass shield. It brought a warm feeling to her heart. 

“Hey!”

Elsa almost jumped out of her body. She turned around, startled, with her hand on her chest. Her eyes were widened with shock.

“Sorry for startling you…” It was Honeymaren, she stood in front of the taller woman, rubbing her neck, apologising for startling the blonde. She was in the same clothes as before, except that she had changed from a vest into a baggy t-shirt. It was 2 sizes too big for her, so one sleeve slid over her shoulder, revealing a black strap. She put her hands in her pockets, “Sorry if I kept you waiting long, I needed to change into a shirt. And I couldn’t find my size so I had to get a bigger one. Come on.” She gestured for Elsa to follow her.

The blonde took one last glance at the photo before following Honeymaren to the plane in the centre of the room. She leaned onto the plane and patted it, “This is Maarja, the best plane you’ll find in this building.” Immediately her hand hit the plane, the propeller fell onto the floor and Honeymaren winced, shutting her eyes tight with a grimace on her face.

This plane must have been really important to Honeymaren. Not only was this her first plane, she named it after her mother. “This plane has been…a lot. I’ve been trying to fix it up for years now but it’s not really working out.” She let out an exhausted chuckle. Elsa could tell she had been really committed to fixing the plane. She wouldn’t just let her friend do it on her own.

The blonde walked towards Honeymaren and placed her hand on her shoulder, the most contact she had given the brunette in years, “Maren. I’m here to help. What do you need?” Honeymaren raised her head to the blonde and gave her a warm and grateful smile that smile made Elsa feel so happy. She never liked seeing her friend sad.

“Thanks, Elsa.” She placed her hand on the blonde’s hand and rubbed it with her thumb. The sensation made Elsa let out a small quiver and a warm sigh. She smiled back at her friends. When the two separated, Honeymaren clapped her fingers once, full of energy and ready to begin, “Alright! So there are a few things that need to be fixed. The propeller, the engine, a lot of things, you think you can help with that?” Elsa nodded, “Great! Let’s get to it then.”

For the next 7 hours, Honeymaren and Elsa worked on the plane. Every now and then, they’d strike some small conversation. A few times Elsa caught Honeymaren staring at her, and Honeymaren caught the blonde staring at her. The dark clouds continued to move above them, making the room look quite dim, even though it was the afternoon. At this point, the windows had been closed it would likely begin raining any time soon. 

The plane wasn’t too big, but it was still quite large. It took up most of the space in the room. Elsa and Honeymaren were lying on their backs, under the plane, tweaking a few applications in the propeller reduction unit. The engine played a part in the way the propeller performed. So the pair had to add a few more parts and check the conditions of the pistons to ensure proper fuel efficacy. Elsa was operating on a few gears when Honeymaren spoke.

“What were you looking at before?” She was screwing in a few pieces of metal. The two were only a few centimetres apart. They could hear thunder and lightning from the outside. A storm was soon to come.

“I was looking at-at our graduation photo.” Bang. A burst of thunder could be heard through the sky.

“O-ho…I remember that day, you were so nervous.” She let out a bit of a chuckle, still screwing in the metal.

Elsa let out a laugh, “Honeymaren, you were the nervous one. Yes, I was a bit anxious but I didn’t try to escape through the dorm windows.” They were both bursting out laughing at this point. On that day, Elsa remembered that Honeymaren was worried that she wasn’t good enough to do what she loved, she was afraid of the racism and slurs she would probably hear in the crowd for being Northuldra. But on that day, Elsa calmed her down and held her hand through all the jeers that many of the other Northuldra and foreigners received. Even though it was probably only 20 out of a 100 people, they sounded like a thousand to the brunette, but with Elsa next to her, holding her hand through it….the shouts and insults drowned out, and sounded like nothing but the waves. Loud, but barely audible. It was only the two of them in the world. To think that only a week after this, the two went on the trip to the cabin, after the break up with Hans. It was only them again, but unfortunately, a week after that, Elsa got married, and Honeymaren was never to be seen again. 

“Yeah…but you were there for me. I don’t think I ever thanked you enough for that.” Honeymaren looked at her friend, Elsa looked back. The brunette gave her a sweet smile, her smile was always so infectious. Elsa couldn’t help but smile back. They lay there, staring into each other’s eyes.

“Well, you were always there for me when I needed you, that’s thanks enough for me.” Elsa could see Honeymaren’s expression darkening. The blonde knew exactly why. She probably remembered that she left immediately after the wedding. Even though it wasn’t her fault, Elsa knew she blamed herself for it…probably thought it was selfish of her.

Honeymaren fiddled her fingers, looking down in shame, “Elsa…I-”

Knock, Knock, Knock.

She was interrupted by someone at the door. The two heard the door creak open, “Hey, HM? You forgot to eat lunch again. Is Elsa here?” The voice calling to them was Tiana’s., “I’m not letting you skip lunch again, Honeymaren, so I brought it.” A shaking bag sound came from the woman’s direction.

Over the weeks, Elsa had found out that Tiana was a very motherly and caring woman. She always made sure people ate, and loved cooking. Her best friend, Charlotte (Lottie), would come and work at the company voluntarily sometimes, and her husband, Naveen, had gone to war as well. Tiana was working this job and two others to make her dream come true…building her own restaurant. And even though it was going to take time, and she’d have to face multiple trials and tribulations because of her race….Elsa knew she could do it.

The blonde and the brunette came out from under the plane, which gave Tiana a little scare. They stood up, their bare feet in socks touching the carpet. The young ladies dusted and patted their uniforms. They both had frizzy hair and a few black and brown oil stains on their clothing. Honeymaren walked towards Tiana and received the food, which was packed in two brown paper bags. Tiana also gave them two glass bottles of water.

“Thanks, Ti. You’re a life saver.”

“With the number of meals you skip, that might just be true.” The two laughed at that comment. 

Tiana walked towards the plane and gave Elsa a small wave. She walked around the plane and inspected it. “Now, I don’t know anything about planes, but I think it looks better.” She said so while pointing at the propeller which was on the floor. Elsa had inspected it and fixed some things. She’s repaired the blades and cleaned them. They were shining now.

“Really?” Honeymaren said with a smile on her face.

“Yep. Was it you who fixed it, sweetie?” She looked at Elsa.

“Uh…Yes.” She gave the blonde a thumbs up and started walking out of the room. When she was at the door, she stopped to speak.

“I knew it. H.M isn’t the cleanest person. Only someone as crazy as her would wear white when working with planes.” She said the last part before swiftly running away from the door frame. Her footsteps sounding quieter with every second, until it was silent.

Honeymaren had a small smile on her face, folding her arm and leaning on one leg. Amused by her friend’s playful teasing. Elsa was giggling under her breath, looking at her friend in her messy white shirt. The brunette untied her hair and combed her fingers threw it. Her thick locks fells onto her shoulders, brown waves cascading down her back. Elsa loved Honeymaren’s hair. She used to comb through it with her fingers all the time when they were younger. The pair would braid and do each other’s hair while chatting, or telling stories.

The brunette walked towards the navy blue chair, with the food in her hands. She sat on the chair, which was next to the window, sat on one side, and set the food in the centre. Elsa followed suit, and sat on the opposite side of the shorter woman. From outside, the two could hear rain beginning to pour. The blonde looked up at the ceiling, and saw hundreds of water droplets on the glass. Honeymaren took the food out of the bag. She took two of Tiana’s signature Beignets out from a plastic, two packs full of mushed potatoes, beef, peas and carrots, steaming and drizzled in spicy gravy. 

Honeymaren began eating, her soft hands with a fork in them. She took at least 3 bites before stopping to look at the blonde. This was the first lunch they had had together, so Honeymaren hadn’t seen what she does when eating. She looked at the blonde, who was just looking at her, with the fork still in her hand. 

“Why aren’t you eating?” Asked the brunette, with a concerned look on her face. Snow had asked her the same question when they had eaten together in the cafeteria on her first day, but she didn’t look as concerned, she was rather inquisitive about it though. She didn’t feel comfortable eating in the cafeteria, so she just started coming into the cafeteria late and eating when everyone else was done and gone every day. 

Bang. Another burst of thunder could be heard through the pouring rain.

Elsa’s eyes widened when she noticed she had done it again. With Hans, she was always on edge during meals and would just wait, looking at him. Expecting a reaction she had to be ready for. It was only during the last few months that she realised it became a habit, like an instinct or a second nature. It only happened once with Anna, but she just brushed it off as not being hungry. So whenever they had family dinners, she wouldn’t eat much.

“I….I don’t know.” She chuckled nervously and slowly started placing the food in her mouth. Her hands were shaking, she tried so hard to regain control of them, but she just couldn’t. She felt like she was letting her guard down. A vision of Hans throwing his plate of food on the floor flashed into her mind. He had come late that day, smelling like booze. He’d said the food tasted like crap, and broke a plate…the chards had flown across the room…one of them cutting the blonde’s lower leg. She’d cleaned the floor crying that day, feeling weak and hopeless as he scolded her in the background. She dropped the fork and it landed on the floor, nowhere to be seen, “Fuck.” She whispered under her breath, embarrassed. The blonde placed the pack back onto the chair. Fiddling her pale fingers, she knew she was flushed. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she felt so ashamed.

“Elsa? Is everything okay?” Honeymaren said, moving her face down to meet the blonde’s eyes. She looked worried. 

“E-everything’s fine. I’m just not that hungry. Excuse me.” The taller woman stood quickly and prepared to walk out of the room before she felt a hand gently grab her wrist. Although it was soft and warm, it reminded her of Han’s tight grip. Without any conscious thought, the blonde slapped Honeymaren’s hand off of her wrist.

The brunette looked at her, with confusion, questions and concern in her eyes. She looked unsettled, afraid for her friend’s well-being. Elsa knew it was just a reflex, she knew that she didn’t mean to hurt her friend, but she felt terrible nonetheless. “I’m so sorry, H-Honey. I’m so- I should leave.” She ran out of the room, her hair dishevelled from the work, and in nothing on her feet but socks.

Flash.

White light came through the ceiling, lighting had struck and the rain became more vigorous. Elsa ran through the halls, meeting at least 2 of 3 confused workers as she ran. She didn’t know where to go, all she knew was that she had to run. Her mind drifted back to the room. The look on her friend’s face, the name she addressed her as. Honey…A name she only used rarely, mostly when she was happy, scared, sad or wanted to console her friend. 

The blonde saw a stair case, and moved swiftly down the steps, almost slipping once. She didn’t want to look back, all she wanted to do was leave. She was embarrassed. She never liked the way her body and mind reacted in and out of her home…because of the trauma Hans made her go through. The violence and hatred that made her flinch at loud sounds or banging doors. How out of sync footsteps, similar to those of a drunken man, made her shiver. 

She reached the bottom of the stairs, and looked around, panicked. The rain still poured loudly outside, drowning out the sound of her rapidly beating heart. She coughed, hyperventilating from the run. She was anxious to find somewhere to go. She started walking aimlessly, looking for an area to hide until she found a room written, “Room C”. She looked behind to make sure she hadn’t been followed and pushed the door as she walked in.

It was a very small and crumped room, similar to a janitor’s closet. There was one shelf on one wall, with only a few objects on it. Leaning against the shelf stood four stacked chairs, similar to those of the cafeteria. On one side sat a bucket of water. The room was dimly lit by a single bulb, emitting warm yellow light. The blonde leaned against a grey wall and slid down it, landing with a thump in a corner. She hugged her knees and let out a few sobs. Tears slowly streamed down her cheeks as the rain poured. She could hear drops of water plummeting into the bucket from a small part of the wooden, ceiling, which was leaking.

Creak.

She heard the door opening, but didn’t feel like lifting her head up. Maybe it was a cleaner or someone else…she didn’t mind as long as she was alone once they left. But to her surprise, the person who came in sat slid down, and sat by her side, “Not the most fluttering room in the building. Much less the best one to eat lunch in but we’ll make due.” It was Honeymaren. 

Elsa looked up to her friend, who was setting their lunch on the floor for them to eat. She wiped the tears off of her face, sniffling. Honeymaren looked at her with a smile, but her eyes spoke volumes more. She was still worried, and probably wanted to ask a million questions…but set them aside for her friend. She gestured for Elsa to start eating. The blonde tried to reach for her food, but her hands retreated immediately. She was full of fear and exhaustion. Honeymaren took one bite of her food and then left her fork alone. She turned her attention to the blonde and looked deep into her eyes. Trying to understand what was going on, trying to figure out what to do. She gave the blonde a sweet smile.

Her brown hands proceeded to pick up the blonde’s pack. She picked up a small piece of beef and brought it to the blonde’s mouth, “Come on, open up.” 

Elsa let out a breathy laugh, “Honeymaren, are you being serious?”

“One hundred percent serious. You help me with my plane, I help you eat. Simple.”

The blonde held back another laugh. She was still quite unsettled, but she felt a little better after clearing her mind for a while. Her friend’s goofy, but kind gesture made her happy. She opened her mouth, and Honeymaren placed the food in her mouth. The tips of the brunette’s fingers brushed Elsa’s bottom lip. She was blushing now. She looked to her side, with a small grin on her face. She tried to wipe it off her but it wouldn’t leave. She felt like a shy teenager, being fed by her crush. 

Honeymaren looked back at her, and started smiling as well, “Why are you smiling?” 

“Nothing.” The blonde said through her smile. The brunette placed another piece of food into the blonde’s mouth. This went on for about a minute until Elsa said that she could feed herself then. 

“Sorry for leaving, just a….bad memory came back to me.” She said, her smile was gone now.

“It’s alright. I understand.” Honeymaren’s smooth voice made her feel better, she was always so accepting. “So…How’s Anna doing?” She said, trying to change the conversation.

“She’s alright. She told me she met you a few days ago.”

“Yes, at the post office. I found her on my way there and we got letters from Kristoff and Ryder.”

Elsa swallowed the food in her mouth and looked at the brunette in confusion, “Letters? She didn’t mention that…but then again, the phone conversation was short so maybe she forgot.”

“Maybe…anyway, the letters…They came in from the soldiers. Didn’t you get one?” Honeymaren looked at Elsa’s curiously.

The rain was beginning to get quieter. The blonde cleared her throat, “Um…no. Maybe Hans forgot.” ‘Or maybe he’s dead.’ She choked and began to cough at that thought. Honeymaren continued to look at her, confused, until Elsa waved the issue off and continued eating. The blonde was surprised that she thought like that for a second. It went completely against her grandfather’s teachings. And yet, she felt a little liberated from Hans’ grip. His marks were still on her skin, and his actions still poisoned her mind, so did Runeard’s words…but ever since he left…this was the first time she actually thought, “Hey! He’s gone.” Yes, she did get a job and wore clothes he likely wouldn’t approve of…but this was the first time the thought actually sunk in. 

“So…why haven’t you joined self-defence classes yet? I was hoping to see you there.”

“Oh, really? I thought you were too good for those.” The blonde replied, with a playful tone in her voice.

“Haha, very funny. But still, I was hoping to spend more time with you.” Her voice reduced in volume as she spoke, the last word being barely audible. But Elsa could hear her. She too wanted to spend more time with her friend, and working with her today made the feeling even more apparent. 

She gave her friend a smirk and nudged her shoulder, “Fine, I wouldn’t want you to die of loneliness. Tomorrow’s Wednesday, right? I’ll be there.”

Honeymaren beamed widely at her. And the duo proceeded to eat in a comfortable silence. After a while, they were done and they put their empty packs back into the brown bag. The rain had gotten louder once again. And they sat peacefully, listening to the leaking ceiling and the vigorous rain. The two were leaning on the walls, the sides of their legs touching as they spread out onto the floor.

“Any new pieces you’re working on.” Elsa would always ask Honeymaren about any new art she was doing. She was there the first day Honeymaren picked up a paint brush, and was always invested ever since. 

“Actually, yes. I’m doing a really big one. I started it 3 weeks ago.” 

“Cool. What is it?”

“It’s a surprise.” She held a palm up to her friend, stopping all of the blonde’s upcoming questions as she chuckled, “But I’ll give you a hint. It’s blue.”

“Really? That’s all you’re telling me.” The brunette nodded, “Of course it’s blue, that’s your favourite colour.”

“Do you know why, Blondie?”

“I-actually, I don’t. Why is blue- Hold on, did you just call me blondie.” Honeymaren laughed as her friend crossed her arms, pretending to be cross. 

“Well, you used to call me Honey when we were younger.”

“I- Oh, I did? I forgot about that.” Elsa looked back at her memories. She did used to call Honeymaren ‘Honey’, but she stopped when she started liking her. That was when she was 13, about the same time Honeymaren stopped calling her Blue, “Well, you used to call me Blue. At least Honey’s in your name.”

“Elsa.” She pointed at her eyes, “Blue eyes.”

“Fine…but don’t call me blondie.”

“Sure thing, Blue.” Elsa looked away from her friend, blushing. She hadn’t heard that name in so long. It always made her smile. Nobody else called her blue, and no one else called Honeymaren, Honey. Those were the names they gave each other and each other alone. All Elsa could remember was that once Honeymaren got really sad, she stopped talking as much and she avoided contact with Elsa. Then after a while, she got better…but she stopped calling Elsa, Blue. In the context of what her mother told her, Elsa figured that was probably when the brunette confessed her feeling for the blonde to Agnarr.

“By the way, we ate really late. That’s why Tiana had to follow us. It’s time to clock out.”

The blonde sat up, “But I walk…and the rain’s gotten worse.”

“I can drive you, if that’s alright with you.” The blonde thought about if for a few seconds before nodding in agreement. “Alright then.” The brunette stood up and stretched one hand towards Elsa. The blonde reached for it, then backed away hesitantly. She looked at her friend’s kind face, finally took her hand, and stood up. No matter how many times their hands touched, it always felt electrifying. Just like it did the first time their hands touched, after Elsa realized she liked the brunette. 

The two dusted their clothes, and walked out of the room. They found a bin close by, and threw the empty packs in it. Then they went to Honeymaren’s work station to get their shoes, and then to the kitchen to drop off the glass bottles. They then went to the changing room, were Honeymaren had left her white vest and a change of clothes she had carried for a meeting she had in the morning. Elsa didn’t need to get anything because she had been permanently given 2 pairs of her uniforms, which she interchanged and wore at home when preparing for work. 

They passed through Honeymaren’s office, she took a thin bottle of wine from a drawer and put it in her pocket. Then she told Elsa to follow her to where she parked her car. They had been walking for a while, through halls and now they were walking in the rain, under Honeymaren’s black umbrella. Elsa looked around, she looked at the multiple buildings, hoping to see a car. They had already passed the parking lot, but Honeymaren had said that she didn’t park her car there. 

After a few minutes, they came up to a vehicle concealed by a black cover. All Elsa could see were some white wall tires that weren’t hidden. The brunette gave the blonde the umbrella and pulled off the covering. Elsa’s eyes widened and her mouth opened in awe at the sight of the car, “Woah! That’s your car?!”

Honeymaren nodded, “Yep.”

It was a Deep Red Cadillac Series 62 Convertible. It had silver grills, round headlights and a white roof. Through the windows, Elsa could see red leather seats and a beige steering wheel. She walked towards the car, and run her hands across the red body, “I’m not gonna lie, this is a sexy car.”

“Yeah, I guess. It was gift.” She said the last part so plainly, but Elsa quickly turned around.

“From who?” 

Honeymaren laughed, “Everyone reacts like that. Some of my friends have asked me who it was from, “Ooh, Honeymaren, who got you this? Where’s the ring?”” She laughed, but Elsa stayed silent. Still intrigued, 

‘Who could it be? Maybe she found someone, that’s…nice. I guess? Aghh…Elsa be a good friend, be happy for her, smile and nod’, the blonde began to smile and nod awkwardly, which made Honeymaren laugh even more. 

“It’s from Ryder. He gave it to me when my company opened to congratulate me.”

“Oh...”

“A-ha…I know what you were thinking.”

“Oh, do you?” ‘Just play it cool.’

“Yep, like I said, most people do. But I’m never getting into a relationship with anyone…or getting married.”

Elsa looked at her friend, curiously. When they were younger Honeymaren had an entire plan she crafted on her own. She would get married to the love of her life, adopt a kid and become a successful aviator, “Why not?”

“It didn’t work out for me, so I just decided to pay attention to what would. I worked hard and hustled for two years and achieved my dream. I have a company, I can fly a plane and I get to help people with the money I earn. What more could I wish for?” Her voice cracked at the last statement. Elsa could tell she was forcing the words out, trying to conceal any emotions that could escape her, “Why would anyone love someone like me anyway?” She said the last one to herself, she likely thought Elsa didn’t hear her, but she did. It was barely audible, but she heard every word.

Her mind was about to start sinking into what she said, trying to analyse her friend’s words, she remembered them, she had heard them before, but it was phrased differently… she interrupted by Honeymaren, “Oh my- Where are my keys?!” She patted right thigh, looking for her keys, “I remember...follow me.” With her umbrella above them, Honeymaren run through the buildings, with Elsa behind her. Elsa didn’t know where they were going, she’d never been that far away from the warehouses and offices before. 

The pair had been running for about two minutes, with the heavy rain hitting the black umbrella, the wine in Honeymaren’s pocket could be heard, volumes of it hitting the glass walls that trapped it…until Honeymaren stopped abruptly in front of a small black gate. Besides the gate stood tall brick walls, that covered the other side completely. 

“I think they’re behind here.”

“Honeymaren, how could they be-”

“I said…I think the keys are behind here.” Elsa rose her hands up in defeat and watched her friend open the gate. The duo walked through and Elsa was amazed at what she saw before her. There was a vast land, full of nothing but long light-beige grass. At the end of it she could see tall green trees. The dark sky contrasted the whitish-yellow colour of the blades that blew in the wind and falling water, moving and dancing in sync with each other. Elsa was surprised to see that untouched land lay behind this building, behind a world that was developing so much, full of towering buildings. This place was like a wonderland, hidden from the new world.

“How is this-”

“Possible? I bought it as well when purchasing land to build my company. It-It means a lot to me.”

Elsa wanted to ask why, but before she could she was getting covered in rain. Honeymaren has closed the umbrella and thrown it into the grass, it was now nowhere to be seen. The rain was still sheeting down vigorously, and the two were getting wet. Honeymaren’s hair was now soaking, some strands of it stuck to her face. She was smiling at the blonde, but Elsa did not return it, she was still confused about…whatever was going on.

“Maren! Why did you do that?”

Honeymaren spun around in the rain, the blades of tall grass brushing her legs, which were knee deep into the fields. “To find the keys!” She shouted to the sky, letting the rain drops fall onto her face. 

“What?! What does that mean?!” Elsa walked closer to her friend, flailing her hands in the air. Her hair was now wet as well, and had come out of her ponytail from all the running. It was drenched in water, and looked whiter under the dark clouds. 

“Freedom, Elsa. The key is Freedom!” Elsa looked at her friend like she was crazy, which made Honeymaren laugh. Only she could do something as silly and elaborate as this just to say something like this.

“You’re mad, Maren, you know that?” The blonde said with a chuckle.

“I know!” Honeymaren took Elsa’s hands into her own and spun her around. The pair moved like the wind through the breeze and long grass, doused in water from the pouring rain. They ran through the grass, looking up at the sky, tasting the water. They were cold and wet, but they didn’t care, they were having careless fun like children, playing in the rain, shouting to the skies. The grass and rain switched directions as the winds shifted, they moved with wind, the sky was dark, almost black, but they felt so warm and bright inside. 

Elsa was happy that Honeymaren did this. This was the most fun she had had in a very long time. The blonde suspected that Honeymaren did this to lift her spirits after the incident at lunch...and she was very grateful for it. At one point, the two bumped into each other and fell into the deep grass, side by side. The lay on their back, looking at the black sky, their faces covered in rain drops. Elsa turned to her side, and Honeymaren followed suit. They were laughing softly, until a silenece fell between them. They stared into each other’s eyes. The blonde stared into the brunette’s eyes deep eyes, looking intently, her heart skipped a beat. Fixated and absorbed by every movement they made, until she saw he eyes dilate. 

At that moment, Honeymaren sat up immediately, as said without looking at her friend, “We need to find the umbrella. It’s Ryder’s.” Then she quickly stood up and started looking through the grass. Elsa sat up slowly…still trying to process everything that had just happened. What had gone through Honeymaren’s mind to make her eyes dilate, to make her pull away like that? 

‘Did she feel anything? Did she feel what I- No, I’m just overthinking. Why am I even thinking about this?’ She thought as she searched through the long blades of grass. She walked around, bent over as the rain hit her back, trying to understand her friend’s reaction. ‘Did I make her feel uncomfortable?’ She felt an object under her foot. She reached her hands for it and found the umbrella. She held it up and called, “Maren! I-” She stopped her words, and looked at her friend.

Honeymaren was standing still, in the middle of some grass quite far from the blonde. She was staring blankly into the land beyond. Elsa could only see her from the back. The view was rather artistic…black clouds ahead of her, looking like they were engulfing the brunette’s figure. Millions of raindrops dropping from the skies as the grass blew in the wind. Elsa didn’t know why, but the image looked almost surreal to her. She stared at her friend, keenly. Honeymaren removed the wine bottle from her pocket, took one swig and poured the rest onto the ground. The blonde couldn’t help but wonder why they did that, or what it meant.

Honeymaren started turning her head slowly, and moving to face the blonde, with a plain expression on her face. The whole atmosphere felt, odd and unearthly. 

Bang.

A large burst of thunder spread through the sky, with the power and might of a bomb. Elsa’s vision slowed down, she saw the individual raindrops falling much slower. All the motion reduced as her mind fixated on the brunette, as her head was still moving, slowly. The blonde stood there, trying to read her eyes…trying to understand.

____

Elsa lay in her bed, quietly. After Honeymaren dropped her off, she went into her house. Took a quick shower, had a small meal and retreated to bed. She thought of the day she had, and how much fun she had with Honeymaren. She looked to her side, and no one was there. Hans was really gone for now, the thought started to really sink in.

‘I can do whatever I want. I can wear whatever I want, eat whatever I want…hey, I can even cut my hair.’ The blonde let out a loud yawn and touched her hair, which was still very dump. Just like in the rain, she felt free, liberated…she was beginning to taste freedom.

She fell asleep, thinking of all the things she could do. The last thing she saw was an empty bed side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed coming up with different settings and the scenery. It's really long, but I still enjoyed writing it.
> 
> This chapter is very important to Honeymaren's character. It reveals a lot and it caused me to go to my chapter list and add a few chapters, add some details and so on. Hope you liked it.


	6. I Wish...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa finally joins the self-defence class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is this late? I was really busy. First Raya came out and I had to write a super long review, then the Harry and Meghan interview came out. Then I was busy with other things. I'm really free now so a new chapter might come really soon so look out for that.

Elsa walks up flaxen yellow stairs. They are quite dim, brownish and a bit stained. There is nothing around her but endless stairs and walls. The blonde felt odd and uncomfortable. The whole atmosphere of the stair case was cold, empty and lonely. Detached from all warmth and love of the real world. Removed from all reality and brightness. She walked slowly up the stairs, as each footstep echoes through the empty space. Bouncing off the dim walls, an eerie sound like one she had never heard before. A certain calm ringing and clanging, like metals being hit in a cave. 

The blonde was in a white lace dress. She had seen it before in newspapers, worn by many models in January 1940. Her hair was free and flowing in the cold draft that moved through the stairway. Wisps of hair came in and out of her face. She could see her breath in the cold air as she walked through the flights of stairs, looking around intriguingly. Her dress flowed in the breeze, moving against her pale slim legs. 

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind came towards her, almost making her trip. The gust of wind came with small sprinkles of water in it. Like water droplets floating in the air before and after a storm. The wind become stronger and stronger, she tried to hold onto a railing but there was nothing beside her. From the direction of the wind, she heard a loud neigh from a horse, although she could not see it. It reminded her of a tale she was told by her parents as a kid…The Legend of the Nokk, the Water Spirit.

Then she heard a loud burst of thunder and lighting. Large waves were coming towards her as she tried to keep her balance...barely holding on to the steps. The waves came rushing down the stairs. They were very dark, blue and aqua with a black tint. In a matter of seconds, the waves came over her and she was under water. They crushed into her with the force of a great tide. Her body was being pushed left and right by the underwater currents of the dark water. She could not see anything below her…all she saw was some grey light from the surface.

The blonde pushed and swam, against the forces of the water currents and broke through the surface. She gasped for air as soon as she touched it. Breathing in and out, fighting for the freedom of the atmosphere. Her thoughts were scattered. A riddle, wrapped in a puzzled, incapsuled by mystery. All she knew at the moment was that she was in the dark sea. She looked above and saw the wave-like storm clouds, grey and teal vapours moving like the stormy sea she floated in. 

The blonde heard some movement in the water. A figure was rising from the dark waters. She almost backed away in fear until she saw the person clearly. 

“Honeymaren?” She asked in confusion as she saw a vision of her friend in front of her. With her brown long hair wet and streaky. As ink black as the pebbles that lay on the beach of the dark sea. She too wore a white dress, although hers was silk and much thinner. Her skin looked much dimer and less warm in the lighting, it looked much colder and reflected some of the dark blue light from the water. “What are we doing here?” Elsa asked as she stared at the brunette, whose eyes were darker than usual, as deep as the water itself…moving like the asperitas clouds above.

Before the blonde could ask any more questions the brunette leaned into her for a passionate kiss. As gentle as the gentle waves meeting the shore, but as strong as a surge of two waves. Elsa was in shock at first, her eyes widened as shivers from the cold and the contact went down her spine. But she slowly started to melt into it. The two melded into each other, like a river pouring into a sea…they were now one, their movements indistinguishable from the movements of the water surrounding them.

Elsa was in complete bliss. The water around them was rough and unpredictable, but her mind was as calm as a pond. Her mind settled on the woman in front of her. She was tranquilized by the brunette, lost in the loving kiss. She was so immersed in it that she didn’t even notice the large wave towering over them until it made impact. 

Once again, a large wave crushed into her, separating her from the warm arms of the brunette and leaving her back in the cold, empty water. Dark and alone…but she wasn’t in it for long. Only a few moments after being ambushed by the grand waves, she was washed onto the brown shores of the dark sea. Coughing out water, she dragged her body future onto the land, hitting a few small pebbles in the process. She eventually caught her breath, and was then breathing steadily. Looking at her cold air in the sky, she noticed a hazy vision before her that became clearer with every second that passed.

Once the image was clear, she saw Honeymaren…standing at the edge of the beach, facing the ocean with her back to the blonde. Her legs knee deep into the water. Her hair was still dump, and yet it blew in the wind. The clouds moved like the sea above her, greys and teals moving like smoke fumes and water simultaneously. 

The clouds and sea went on before her, like an endless plain. A thin wave came rushing for the brunette, Elsa stood up to help her friend…but to her surprise the wave did not affect the brunette. All it did was impact her and began turning into individual water droplets and balls, surrounding the brunette like clear marbles. They froze, and so did the waves, the sky and the winds. It was like time had stopped…everything was frozen except from the two women.

Elsa stared at her friend in awe, who was slowing turning to face her. Her movements were slowed, Elsa could hear her own heart beat in her ear. Honeymaren stopped at the sight of her friend. Her expression was grim, and plain…as dark and empty as the sea. The view reminded the blonde of the surreal image she saw of her friend in the grass field behind Maarja Air the day before. It felt weird and dream like. 

Elsa looked closer at her friend and saw that she was holding a book in one of her hands. It looked like Elsa’s diary. The diary where she had written all her secrets, emotions and memories of them togethers. All the senses and sensations the brunette ignited in her. ‘Why does she have it?’ She thought, before seeing a small orange light on the book. It looked like a spark of fire.

Then, Honeymaren’s free hand pulled a bottle of wine from the water….which was still stuck in time. Her white dress was wet and clung to her skin as she brought the bottle to her mouth and took one swig…just like that day. Afterwards, she poured out the wine. But instead she poured the wine onto the book, and the spark burst into a flame. Elsa felt her body squirm in pain, like part of her had been burnt or cut off. She fell to the beach, pulling at the sand, trying to reach her friend who was just staring at her, empty…as fire began to spread across her face as well…but she wasn’t burning.

Elsa screamed and shouted in pain, tears streaming down her face as she saw her friend covered in fire. Her face was red, the screams left her throat, but no sounds came out. She struggled, trying to scream and move, claw her way to her friend…but her effort was all in vein. She called out Honeymaren’s name…no sound. The brunette just stood there, staring blankly at her friends…her eyes piercing through her soul.

Elsa’s eyes were getting blurry from her tears she took one blink to regain clear vision. When she opened her eyes, she was in a different place. It looked like the cabin, but the lighting was red…the lighting seemed to be coming from the window. A blood red sky spread across and above the land. The two were in the bed. The blonde looked at Honeymaren, her skin was tinted red from the lighting and her eyes looked crimson red. Her expression was still empty and sad. Black ink tears began to stream down her face. Elsa leaned closer to her friend, trying to reach out.

“Honey…what’s wrong? I’m right here…I haven’t gone. Never again, remember? When we were kids? I-” Her soft voice was interrupted by a loud squealing sound that was in her mind and all around them. It sounded like screeching violins. They were wailing, yes, but the sound was synchronized and almost beautiful. 

With every squeal, Honeymaren moved further away from the blonde. They played on as Elsa tried to get closer, “Honey? Why-” Her question was interrupted by the sound of her own voice from a conversation the two had had years before.

“Why would I ever!” The voice was full of anger, fear, denial and confusion. Elsa recognized it as her own voice, immediately in came Honeymaren backed away even more. The blonde stared at her hands, shocked at her past words. Looking at what she had done, how she’d hurt her friend…the monster she always thought she was, was most apparent on that day.

The violins got violently louder, expressing the growing tension between the two. Elsa looked at her friend, who was now hugging her knees. A tears streamed down her pale white face. The faintest voice came from Honeymaren, “Why would anyone love someone like me?”

In the background she heard her drowned out voice from that day, “I- I didn’t mean-” It was no longer audible. Elsa wanted to run to her friend, give her a hug and stroke her hair. But her thoughts and actions were overpowered by a voice as strong as the violins.

The violins roared and wailed as a powerful voice accompanied them, it was the voice of Runeard.

“Priorities girl!

It’s disgusting, that’s what it is!

This is not you path!

Know your place!”

The voices in her head, the voice of Runeard once again overpowered her thoughts and actions. She held onto her head, covering her ears. Trying to block his words, but him…and manifestation of all her self-hate and disapproval…kept on spitting toxic words into her brain. His voice was in her mind, and all around her…no matter how much she tried to stop it.

Covering her ears, with tears streaming down her face in the red light. She hummed no, shook her head and finally. Let out a powerful scream.

____

The blonde woke up quickly and shot up from her bed, screaming. She was in a cold sweat, her hair was dishevelled and her eyes were wet from her tears. She’d had nightmares and odd dreams like that many times before…but this one felt different. It hurt even more because it brought back some terrible memories, memories of that day. Because she had to watch her warm friend look so sad and empty…like a shell.

She stood up to open the windows for fresh air and sat back onto her bed, wiping all her tears away. The night sky was a Prussian blue, much darker than the other nights. A few light grey colours streaked across the sky, shaped like gusts of winds. It was a windy night, the cold breeze blew through Elsa’s windows and all around her room. Her white curtains danced freely in the wind, as smooth as a flag on a pole. 

She felt the cool touch of the breeze, taking slow breaths as she calmed down from her nightmare.

Maren.

That was the only name on her mind.

Honey.

The friend she knew she hurt so much. The dream reminded her of a day she hoped to forget, a day she chose not to narrate to her own sister…because it hurt her so much to recall.

“I know I hurt her, I know I wasn’t being the best friend. I just wish I was different…I wish I could be stronger and braver. I wish I could just be….” Sigh, “But no matter how much I try, I just can’t. I wish I could go back in time and say, “I want to be the person you need me to be, because I-I…””

She spoke out loud the words she wished she could have told her friend that day, and days before that. But much like in her dream, all her fears came pushing into her mind with the voice of Runeard. Haunting her every choice, her every thought. 

The blonde lay on her bed, trying to close her eyes one again…trying to fall back into her slumber. Trying to forget as a single tear began to fall from her eye.

“If only…If only I was different. If I-I could get rid of the voices…the voices in my head.” 

The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was a single green leaf floating into her room.

Free…

At peace.

____

Elsa walked down the empty halls of Maarja Air in silence. It was knocking off time, and most people had already gone by now. It was time for self-defence class. She’d promised Honeymaren that she would join the class the day before. The hallways were a bright orange, light came from open office door and the glass ceiling. Although the rainy season was beginning very soon, today the sun light managed to crack threw a few grey clouds. 

Elsa’s pale skin glowed a light ivory tone in the sun’s light. Her quiet footsteps echoed all over the walls as she walked, slowly, thinking of the dream she had the night before. ‘I hope it doesn’t make anything weird,’ she thinks as she approaches the gym, ‘might as well put it aside.’

The blonde takes a deep breath as she stands still in front of the open door. Why is she doing this? Is it just for her friend…or does she really want to defend herself? Defend herself against- 

“Hi, Elsa!” Elsa looks up and see the face of Snow, who is sitting on a bench next to Mulan. She’s waving Elsa over.

The blonde takes another deep breath and put on a bright smile as she waves back at her co-worker, “Hi, Snow. Hi, Mulan.” Snow is wearing a black vest and a white short. Mulan is wearing a black vest and black harem pants. 

Elsa looks at the two women for a second before looking around at the gym. Most of the equipment is shining golden because of the golden lights flowing through the large windows around the room. Through them, Elsa can see hundreds of houses and buildings for miles. The gym is full of different equipment. There are a few dumbbells and weights around, and there is a large black mat at the centre of the room with punching bags over it. From the corner of her eye, Elsa can see a wooden monkey bar in the corner. 

Despite the room’s sort of simplicity, it still looks very wide and neat. The white walls are clean and there are multiple wooden tables and chairs around the room with some women resting in them…Elsa can recognize a few of them. She pays particular to the punching bags…she never really knew or learnt how to throw a punch, her sister did though, she always wanted to learn.

Elsa took of her shoes and sat on the bench next to Mulan and Snow as they looked at the other women around the gym, “So…what got you into defence?” Elsa says to break the silence.

“Well…In my home country I actually fought in the war with my husband, he’s a general. So he got called here a while ago to work in the Arendellian military. I didn’t exactly want to do military work so for a while I was training locals who wanted to learn self-defence and martial arts. Then 8 months ago HM hired me.” Mulan looked at one woman across the room who standing up to pick up a dumbbell.

“That’s really interesting. I’m sure you must enjoy being in your element.”

“Yeah. I really like teaching here…it’s been so nice meeting so many different men and women in Arendelle. It’s nice learning about all the diverse cultures and languages and f- Oh my- Jane!” Mulan immediately stood up and ran towards a woman in a yellow bandana that fell down trying to pick up what looked like the heaviest dumbbell.

Mulan helped her get up her feet, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Meg said she’s give me fifty if I could do it.” The women laughed as they looked towards another woman, who was also chuckling. She wore a white vest and purple shorts. Her long dark auburn hair moved up and down in her high ponytail and she hugged her waist laughing at her friend.

“So…are you going to work out in the blue sack or are you going to change?” Snow gave Elsa one look up and down and a teasing smile.

Elsa looked down at her baggy overalls, “Haha, very funny. And…what do you mean exactly?”

“Well if you haven’t noticed everyone else besides the teacher is in shorts.” Snow said as she gestured towards all the women in the room, except from Mulan.

“So…I have to change?”

“Yep, don’t want you ripping the uniform. The workout clothes are much more flexible.”

“Alright.” Elsa slapped her thighs and stood up, “Is there a changing room or…?” 

“Yes, not that far. Right…through there.” Snow pointed at the door and gave Elsa a wide smile.

“Why are you like this?” The blonde blue a stand of hair from her face and huffed at her friend.

“I don’t know gran.” The young girl made childlike face which made the blonde chuckle, “It’s the same one with the uniforms.”

“Okay, thanks.” Elsa put her hands in her pockets and walked out of the door in her white socks. The sun was getting lower and the golden light met with her eyes as she walked to the changing room. She whistled to an old tune from her childhood. While walking she’d realised how much she had changed over the last few weeks.

She started finding it much easier to walk casually without always worrying about looking graceful and elegant. That was one thing her grandfather and many other elderly people really instilled in her when she was younger. She remembered a time in school, one of the female teachers would hit the girls’ backs for not walking gracefully…even if their posture was good. 

The blonde slid down the floor as she hopped to the room. Once she approached the door she pushed it and walked in. Elsa then saw a figure in the room and immediately turned around. “Sorry.” The blonde closed herself into the room and turned her back to the woman behind her. Instead she opted to look at the carpet below her and the uniforms surrounding her as she blushed in embarrassment. 

“It’s fine. I’ll be quick if you’re uncomfortable.” Elsa recognized that voice instantly.

“Maren?”

“Bridgette?” The person joked.

“Maren is that you?” Elsa knew that familiar voice.

“Yes, Elsa it’s me.” It was Honeymaren behind her, “Looking for the gym clothes?”

“Yeah.”

“The drawer on your left.” Elsa looked to her left and opened a large drawer full of shorts and vest. 

“They’re all new, don’t worry. You get to keep the one you get.”

Elsa looks through the drawer and picks up a white short to go with her vest. There is an uncomfortable silence between the two. It’s quite an intimate situation. They are standing apart, backs faced to each other, each in very vulnerable states physically. Elsa realises, as she’s changing, that the situation contrasts how they were in college. They used to share a room and dress up together all the time, sometimes they would even share a bed if the bedding on one of them was still wet from getting washed. But it had been so long since they had been so close in any state of undress…be it partial or not. 

Honeymaren cleared her throat to break the silence, “…So…are you ready for the class?”

“Yeah, I’m actually quite excited for it.” Elsa responds as she puts on the white short. She can hear Honeymaren putting on her short as well. 

“That’s great. Mulan’s an amazing teacher, I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“Yeah, but you know I haven’t always been athletic.”

“Liar.” The brunette snickered, “You were a track runner for most of high school…even I couldn’t beat you.”

“Yeah I was…but that doesn’t mean I’d be great at self-defence and actual fighting.”

“It’s alright, if you need any help just ask me or Mulan.” 

“Why did you join anyway? From what I remember you were already very skilled in combat.” She asked curiously as she folded her overalls and placed them in an empty drawer. The blonde undid her ponytail and began to retie it. 

“Yes, I was…but I need some activities to do after work, keep myself busy. Distracted. I can’t only paint and work all my life.”

“Makes sense.” Elsa carefully dusts off her clothes, “Are you done?”

“Yep. You?”

“Yes.”

The two turned to face each other simultaneously. Elsa is spellbound by Honeymaren immediately she sets her blue eyes on her. The brunette had always had that atmosphere, that glow that made Elsa’s eyes instantly set on her. Elsa looked deep into the brunette’s brown eyes, which were staring right back at her. She was wearing a black vest and black shorts. The image of the two of them in her in dream popped up in her mind and she swiftly looked at her feet, blushing. 

The brunette began walking towards the door and patted the blonde’s shoulder, “Let’s go. We’ll be late.” The touch sent chills down the Elsa spine, ‘Come on, Elsa, get it together.’ She took a deep breath and followed Honeymaren out of the room. 

They were both in their socks, except Honeymaren’s were mismatched. They walked quietly as the sun lit the corridors with its warm golden light. Warm light that came through the open office doors and windows, and touched their skin. Elsa looked at her friend who had a big grin on her face, as she took a deep breath and basked in the sun’s warm glow. She looked at Elsa, and gave her a sweet smile. 

From the ceiling and all over, light hit the brunette’s brown skin, making it look almost bronze and gold. Elsa stared at her friend in awe, her eyes looked like pools of honey from the sun’s light and her skin was mesmerizing. With every step they took, her eyes were still on the brunette. Her long wavy hair in a braid and bangs, bouncing as she walked. She just emitted that kind of aura, a captivating and gripping shine that outshone all the rest. Elsa couldn’t help but smile back at her friend…who looked so happy and free in the sun’s light.

The pair walked into the gym as Mulan was announcing that they would begin in 10 minutes. They separated and Elsa walked towards Snow, who was stroking her hands on the wooden bench. She sat neatly on the bench next to her friend.

“You look happy. I didn’t know shorts could do that…?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elsa looked at her curiously.

“I don’t know. You sure did take a while though...” Snow gave Elsa a smirk as she twirled a loose strand from her twin braids in two fingers.

The blonde nudged the younger girl and giggled awkwardly, trying to play it off, “Why are you like this?”

“I’m the face of the new generation, get used to it.”

Elsa waved her off and rolled her eyes, “Please…you’re only 6 years younger than me. Wait a minute that’s quite a lot…why do I talk to you anyway?”

Elsa actually liked talking to the younger girl. She saw a bit of her younger self in Snow. And even though she could be very playful, sarcastic and snarky sometimes…she could also be really kind and sweet. Only a week ago, she had asked Elsa for some help on which colleges to go to. She’d been working a few jobs like this one to pay for college and asked Elsa for some advice. Elsa really appreciated that she was open with her and asked for some guidance…it reminded her of how her mother and father would guide and help her, when she was a teen like Snow, and decided to do a course under mechanics and engineering against her Grandfather’s wishes. 

“My phenomenal personality and charm.” They both laughed at that statement until it died down, a couple of minutes passed by “Well…I think it’s because I’ve always wanted a big sister. My step mom’s always in her own world so I guess it’s nice have someone older to talk to…” Her voice got smaller at the last part.

“Don’t worry, Snow. I’m always here to talk to.” Elsa gave the girl and small smile and she returned it, then the comfortable silence came back. 

Elsa looked around the room, Mulan was preparing a few mats and objects. From the corner of her eyes, Elsa could see a few women trying out the dumbbells and others stretching. Then her eyes centred on Honeymaren, who was kicking a large brown leather punching bag with full force. Then she set it straight and started striking it with her fists. Elsa hadn’t noticed until now but the brunette’s physique had gotten firmer and fitter since the last time they met. 

Her skin was now glowing with moisture and Elsa could see some sweat trickling down her neck. Her eyes were fixated on- “What are you looking at?”

The blonde almost jumped at Snow’s voice, she cleared her throat and collected herself, “…hm- Nothing just the….the carpet! Yes, the carpets. It’s so…it’s made of carpet.” Elsa looked at her friend knowing her attempt at masking her flustered state and covering herself up had badly failed.

“A-ha…Carpet…” The ebony haired girl looked her frazzled friend up and down, quirking her eyebrows and trying to bite back a laugh. 

“Hey, Elsa!” Elsa looked away from her friend and saw Honeymaren waving her over. She stood up and walked over to the shorter woman, leaving Snow laughing out loud. 

Elsa walked to Honeymaren, thinking of all the things she wished she could tell her friend, ‘I wish I could say you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I wish I could your smile brightens my day. That I miss spending every day and hour with you…that I miss stroking your hair and being next to you. That your scent reminds me of all my happiest memories and that your eyes never left my mind. That I could say, I wish…’

Elsa stopped and stood in front of Honeymaren, who stepped aside and motioned to the punching bag in front of them. 

“Give it a shot.” She said, while punching the air. 

“Maren you know I can’t throw a punch.”

“So, give it a try…you could do really well.”

Elsa looked at her friend doubtfully and turned her attention to the punching bag. She willed all her strength and hit it with force. A loud thump came from the hit. She then looked at Honeymaren, waiting for a response. 

“Okay, okay…that wasn’t bad. But your form needs work.” Elsa looked down at her form and noticed she was just standing normal. One of her legs was much further back than the other and her back was straight… but she didn’t really notice anything odd.

“Okay, let me show you. May I?” Honeymaren came closer to her and asked for permission to touch or move the blonde. Elsa’s eyes widened a bit but then she relaxed and nodded. “Alright. Move this leg back and the other one forward.” Elsa did what she was told and separated her legs as she stood.

“Good.” The brunette came closer to Elsa and hovered her arms around her, giving directions. Then gestured to the foot the Elsa moved back, “Move that foot to the right. Now kind of rotate and tense your body, like at the mid-section, yes…just like that. It will make the impact much stronger. Then hold your fists up to your face.” The brunette them came closer to Elsa’s face and looked at the target with her. Elsa could smell her scent…She couldn’t explain it but Honeymaren smelled like the sunrise and morning dew and light of the Northuldra forest. The morning breeze sprinkled with scents of fallen leaves and flowers. “Strike with all your power and might. Imagine a target and go for it.”

Elsa didn’t really think much of it…but a vision of Hans popped up in her mind and she punched the bag. The force of her hit was much stronger and louder this time, “I did it!” She said with excitement. 

Honeymaren ruffled her hair. She was beaming at Elsa, “Yes, you did, Blue. I knew you could do it.” Her smile dropped as soon as she heard what she had said and cleared her throat, “E-hem…that was good. A few more punches and you’ll be a natural…Elsa.”

Elsa looked sadly at Honeymaren how retracted the old name…she probably didn’t what to make the blonde uncomfortable. But in all honesty, Elsa missed that name. 

“Okay everybody, let’s get to work now.” Mulan called all the women to where she was standing and they all followed her command. Elsa and Honeymaren glanced at each other one more time before walking towards Mulan. 

For the next hour all the woman learnt a few forms and self-defence techniques. Mulan also taught them how to fight with random or feminine objects that can be found in one’s purse or handbag, like fans and perfume bottles. Elsa had really enjoyed the lesson. Many of the ladies there were really funny and she’d laughed many times during the lesson. 

Mulan was very patient and kind with all the women, and she really seemed to enjoy helping the other women learn how to defend themselves. She also helped Elsa and another woman who had just joined learn some of the basic techniques and fighting styles the other women had learnt that were essential.

“Great! Elsa, Marie…you’re all caught up on the essentials.” She directed her attention to the rest of the women, “Okay ladies, that’s enough for today.” 

By the end of the lesson, Elsa had learnt a lot and could defend herself more than before. She’d thanked Mulan for the amazing lesson and was about to leave the class with Snow before Honeymaren approached her.

“Elsa. Stay.” Those were the only words she said. She said it with a plain expression so Elsa got a little bit worried. She said her farewells to Snow White who looked just as confused as her. 

For about 5 minutes, Elsa and Honeymaren sat on opposite ends of the bench. Watching silently as the other women left. By this time the sun had set and it was getting darker outside. The lights hadn’t been switched on yet…so the room matched the tone of the dark blue sky as it lost more and more light. Elsa tilted her head up trying to see the outside from the wide windows. Her attempt had failed so she stood up and looked at the view. Her pale hands touched the window frames as she stared out the glass shield, looking at all the buildings lighting up. Bright yellow lights lit up the ground. Parts of the gym glowed with light from the ground. She could feel a warm body standing next to her looking at the view as well.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Honeymaren asked as she looked at Elsa.

The blonde looked into her friend’s eyes as they reflected the light from the skyline, “It really is.” She didn’t really know if she was talking about the view or her friend. The Arendellian skyline had developed a bit over the years. It started developing more in the 1930s because of the popularization of sky scrapers in a place called Yorkshire City in the 1880s. Although Elsa missed the more homey and nostalgic look of Arendelle, she had to admit the lights were dazzling.

“That’s why I built so many windows into this place. I love looking at the sky and the views…and just…losing myself in them. You know?”

“Yeah, I understand. Remember when we used to visit the Northuldra Forest as kids?” Elsa looked back at the view and she reminisced about the past. 

“And we’d climb the tallest the trees to see the sunrise.” Honeymaren said as she looked back at those memories.

“The sunsets and the moonrise. Sometimes we’d sneak out to see the midnight sky, by the lake.”

“And you almost fell in that one time…” Honeymaren giggled.

“Yeah.” Elsa laughed quietly as well, “But you caught me.” The blonde looked back at her friend.

“Elsa…” She breathed out softly. Elsa felt the hairs at the back of her neck rise up once she heard the brunette’s low and smooth voice. “…I want to show you something.”

She grabbed Elsa’s hand and led her towards the door, then she started running with her in the corridor. The pair snickered quietly as they ran down the hallways hand in hand. Elsa didn’t know where she was being taken, but the whole mystery of it made it even more fun. It reminded her of the times the two would tip toe down the steps of Iduna’s family home in the Northuldra forest, when Elsa’s parents would invite the Nattura siblings for the holidays. They’d sneak off into the night to go and see the night sky.

The duo ran and skid across the polished floors of Maarja Air. After a minute, Elsa noticed the Library door, and then they ran into it. The library was a warm orange tone, with tens of tall shelfs stacked with hundreds of books. Some were tales and stories, others were books about planes and aviation. Honeymaren let go of Elsa’s hand and gave her a smirk. They were now separated by a shelf. From the spaces in the bookshelf Elsa and Honeymaren made eye contact, all she could see was parts of her face…but the most prominent feature was her eyes…which looked like she was smiling. 

Once the shelf was no longer splitting them apart, the brunette took Elsa’s hands in her own once more and led her to a staircase in a corner. It was a cast iron spiral stair lined with multiple patterns and designs. Elsa looked up curiously at a wooden ceiling door at the top of the stair case. Once they were there, Honeymaren opened it and had to lift herself up onto the roof. Then she extended one hand and helped Elsa up as well. 

The blonde took the brunette’s warm hand and her view slowly transitioned from a wall to the beautiful night sky. She stood up and turned around on the floor of the flat roof, staring at the bright stars in the sky. They weren’t as bright closer to the skyscrapers….but Maarja air wasn’t too brightly lit so they were still very visible.

Elsa spun around on the roof like she would at the river’s edge all those years ago. Honeymaren stood next to her once she stopped and grinned at her, “Just like when we were younger.”

“Yeah…just like that.” Elsa said back to her friend as she stared at the constellations.

“I miss that.”

“Me too…”

The thousands of bright stars shimmered and shinned in the deep dark sky. Like diamonds in deep pools if ink. Elsa could see them all around her, they went on for miles and miles, brightening the night sky. Under the moonlight her skin looked porcelain, and Honeymaren’s had tints of light blue.

“Elsa, can I ask you a question? It’s one of the reasons I asked you to stay.”

“Yes…”

“Would you like you work on Maarja with me? Like officially? I think the plane would end up much better with your help.”

The blonde stared back at the shorter woman, “Of course. I’d love to.”

“Thank you.” Elsa looks deep into Honeymaren’s eyes as the words leave her mouth. They’re dancing around and swirling, a light much more captivating that all the stars combined. She can see the night sky reflected in the brunette’s deep eyes, like a pool of lights. Elsa feels her heart rate increase, yet she feels calm and at peace. She can feel feelings that never really left coming back. Feelings that came back stronger with every morning she saw the brunette, with every small conversation, with every slight touch and with every moment next to her. Feelings she tried to bury away for so long.

'I wish I could just stop everything. I wish I could kiss you and say you’re the kindest, smartest, most interesting and beautiful person I have ever met. I wish I could wipe all your tears away, your doubts…B-Because I- I would love someone like you. I love you.'

And in that moment, her eyes lit up with deep affection for Honeymaren, her first and one and only love. If only she were brave enough to say those words out loud, for now....they were nothing but thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today, instead of a flash back we got a dream sequence. Alot more development of those feelings and their relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I did pretty well with this chapter. I hope you like it.


End file.
